Circus, Circus
by Rachel452
Summary: Sawdust mixes with the air and HG breathes it in, the dark clouds outside not giving way to rain just yet. It's just an afternoon practice session so the trapeze artists aren't in their usual performance wear, but Myka looks stunning nevertheless as she and Pete fly dizzyingly up above her.
1. Chapter 1

The circus runs day shows throughout the week, but with the weekends come the night shows. After dark the circus comes alive with lights and music, drawing small town residents out past their normal waking hours to enchant them with dazzling performances and wondrous things even their dreams could not have conjured for them.

This was the end of Helena G. Wells' first week with the circus and thus her first experience with the late night openings. She found herself alone just inside the main entrance; her husband busy with making sure everything was in working order for the large crowds that always accompanied the late hour.

It's almost midnight but the circle of tents and food carts is brightly lit, the sweet smell of caramel corn mixing with the cigarette smoke from patrons and the lively music playing over the voices of the crowd and the beckoning entertainment from each tent.

"First time seeing everything at night?" The voice comes from a tall woman with dark curls and sparkling green eyes standing behind her; the trapeze artist, Helena remembers, Myka. She runs a hand through her hair and nods with a smile.

"It all seems a bit more magical after dark, doesn't it," Helena says with anticipation, though she is unsure of what she's expecting to happen. The aerialist smiles in response, as if she knows the answer to the other woman's query, but remains silent. The two observe their surroundings for a moment, the crowds of people walking about making them step closer together.

"Have you had a tour yet?" Myka asks suddenly and Helena shakes her head. She had of course been shown around by Nate when she first arrived and has taken in as much of the different tents and performances as she's had time for in the last week, but something is making her want to see what a tour from the pretty performer will entail.

Myka leads them both around to the main entrance, stopping at a vendor booth and taking two cups of steaming caramel apple cider with a smile of thanks to the young girl inside. She hands one to Helena then walks a few paces to another booth, this time going inside. Helena glances at the people milling through the grassy circle just inside the gates that read 'émerveillement sans fin' in swooping iron letters. Some patrons form lines for whichever treat or booth has first caught their attention, others rush straight from the gates towards a path that surely leads them to a favored tent or act.

"Hey," Myka's voice easily captures her attention and she turns to see the woman holding a warm, sugary looking pastry. "It's HG, right?" she questions belatedly.

"Helena, yes," she half corrects, unsure why she gives her full name, back home everyone called her HG to her contentment. Shrugging off the strange response she adds, "You have something of a sweet tooth I see."

"I don't really," Myka insists and hands her the wrapped treat after taking a bite. The icing is thick and sticky on her lips and she licks it away. "But it tastes really good with the cider, try it."

The other woman is momentarily distracted but acquiesces. The warm cinnamon bun melts in her mouth and she makes an appreciative noise while simultaneously trying to wipe her mouth free of the sugar. Myka grins at her predicament before taking her cup of cider, freeing up her hand. Helena smiles her thanks and takes another bite as they walk, Myka leading them through the winding trails between tents.

After a minute or two of walking they come upon a small crowd standing in a half circle and join in, Helena getting a glimpse of a red haired girl in the middle, juggling what looked to be balls of fire. In time the two orbs become split several times so that the girl is handling a dozen small flames at once, much to the crowd's enthusiasm. At the very end she throws all twelve up at once, mirrored balls colliding above her head and dropping into her palm as one flameless unit. The people around them applaud wildly and the girl takes a bow, grinning when she sees Myka amongst the dispersing mass.

"Hey you're HG right, the owner's wife?" she asks before Myka can make introductions.

The woman in question nods almost apprehensively but says graciously, "Marvelous show you just did. Your use of the coated gloves is impressive."

Claudia looks awed by her knowledge of the powder that covers her hands, allowing her to touch the fire without being burned. "Thanks," she returns then turns a gleaming face to Myka, "I think I've nailed the remote to control the lights in your tent."

Seeing the curious look on HG's face Myka supplies, "Claudia is our resident inventor." The girl's grin quickly turns to a scowl when the woman adds, "And part time destroyer of things as well."

Turning dramatically away and prompting a scoff from the aerialist Claudia insists, "Officially I'm just the fire juggler, but what I really do is much cooler. I create things that help with the circus, mostly with setup and stuff." Smugly she adds, "I invented something that can rig up Myka's tent in two minutes."

HG looks more than a little intrigued and gets thoughtful when Myka adds, "Yeah, but she has yet to make something that can break it down in under an hour."

The redhead frowns and defends, "Taking it apart is hard." She gestures with twisting hands, "It doesn't want to fold right."

"Uh huh," Myka teases right back, "I'm pretty sure you just use the excuse of observing so that you don't actually have to get your hands dirty."

"You know what, just for that, no lights for you. Imagine your adoring fans' displeasure when their illustrious aerialist is unable to show off in the dark."

The curly haired woman just laughs, "Whatever you say, Claud." Their conversation is cut short when the girl catches sight of their friend Steve Jinks walking past with one of his leopard cubs and dashes away to meet him, a waved goodbye over her shoulder.

"Sometimes I get tired just watching her," Myka discloses and Helena laughs. "C'mon, I'll show you our unofficial backstage area."

"Are you certain I have the proper credentials for that?" the woman teases.

"This is no ten cent tour," Myka claims in a mock superior tone. "This is a rare, behind the scenes excursion, given only to those deemed worthy of endless wonder."

Helena barks out a laugh. "Unending wonder, hmm?" She appraises the woman in front of her, eyes narrowing in exaggerated contemplation before nodding. "Well I suppose this place lends itself perfectly to such a phrase. Alright then, Bering. Lead on."

Another tent over and they're walking through her and Pete's prep area, her partner sitting on a trunk of her clothing eating the remnants of a candy apple. Upon seeing her he offers up a quick hello, eyes questioning when he sees who she's brought along. Myka reassures him with a smile as she introduces them. "Helena, I believe you've met my partner, Pete Lattimer."

"Hey, hey, hey, Mrs. Boss Lay-day," he sings out, offering up an easy grin and a handshake. She returns the greeting with a smile of her own and then the three of them stand awkwardly for a moment.

"So this is where the magic happens," Helena offers up desperately and gets small laughs in response. Pete takes her elbow and leads her around the small space, waving a hand around theatrically.

"No, no," he assures loudly, "the magic is mostly all out there, but," he gestures out towards the performance tent then back to himself. "If you wanted an up close and personal piece of magic all your own, well-"

"Pete!" Myka cuts in tersely, shoving herself between them and taking HG's arm herself. "I'm sure she-" She's cut off as Helena disengages from her and leans towards the mirror and the photograph tacked to it.

"Is this you?" the woman questions, delightedly taking in the picture of a curly haired little girl doing the splits with a crooked smile.

"No," Myka returns automatically but she's overshadowed.

"Yep, that's ole' Mykes here in her glory days," Pete says, leaning in and inspecting the picture as well. Turning back to her with an appraising eye he asks, "Hey, do you think you could still do that?"

She tries to come back sarcastically, but when dark eyes turn to look at her speculatively she feels her mouth open uselessly and a blush comes to her face instead. Settling for a muttered, "Shut up, Pete," she glares at him, nose scrunching in confusion as he regards her with a tilted head and knowing glance that has her grabbing the wrist of the other woman and pulling her towards the door. "Okay, that's enough memory lane for you," she insists. They're gone with HG's 'Nice to meet you again,' thrown over her shoulder and Myka's indignant snort making him grin widely at their retreating forms.

Upon exiting they nearly run into a bushy haired man who stops his frantic pace for a moment as Myka says grandly, "This is Artie, our ringleader extraordinaire. Has more circus stories in his repertoire than most of us put together." The squat man eyes the newcomer narrowly then continues on, grumbling as he goes. "He's like a father to us," Myka drawls paradoxically and smiles at Helena's responding burst of laughter. They continue through the crowds, stopping periodically at certain tents or sideshows, meeting more of Myka's acquaintances until they have made their way back to the second train where Helena's own living car resides.

"Walking me all the way back to my doorstep, how chivalrous" HG teases, then smoothes her expression. "Actually, I'm certain I would have been lost for days without your guidance so I should really be thanking you."

"It's not such a big circus really, you'll have your bearings in another few days I bet," the woman says reassuringly, then contrastingly adds, "Just in time for us to pull up stakes and head to the next city."

Helena huffs out a wry chuckle at that. "It was a delight seeing the circus from your perspective. Thank you for introducing me to some of your companions, they seem nice and I," she cuts herself off awkwardly, searching for the right words. "I suppose it's been difficult for me to know how to approach all of you, I know my husband can be…abrasive."

Myka shrugs, not wanting to say anything one way or the other but her silence has the adverse affect and HG looks at her knowingly. "He seems to have a good head for business?" she offers lamely.

"He enjoys taking risks," HG allows, "though I believe he was somewhat surprised when I showed interest in this particular venture. He likes new business opportunities, even when they don't pay off. This one however, seems to have worked out well for both of us." Myka smiles at that and Helena finds her mouth curving up to match. "This way he gets all the control he craves and I get away from the monotonous society life that was threatening to dull my senses beyond repair." She finishes her sentence with a dramatic flair of her eyes but Myka can hear the truth in her words. She tries to imagine Helena at afternoon tea circles and lifeless charity functions, but she cannot make the stunning, quick witted woman fit.

Shaking her head at the thought Myka confides, "We were all a little unsure about having a new owner but everyone seems to have taken to you easily enough."

"And what about you?" HG asks with curious eyes. "What have you concluded?"

Her smile is small and playful when she answers indifferently, "The jury's still out. I suppose you'll just have to stick around so I can figure it out." She ends her thought with a teasing wink, feeling childishly proud of the blush she's finally managed to charm out of the poised woman.

Priding herself on being hard to ruffle, HG is practically insulted by the traitorous way her face heats when Myka smirks at her. "Well," she says slowly and invades Myka's space, confidence coming right back at the way Myka swallows hard. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you around and now I know to seek you out when I do." Without stopping to think about it she leans up and presses a quick kiss to the taller woman's cheek. She smirks at Myka's now flustered state and heads for her room, resolutely not turning around to meet the eyes she can feel on her back.

* * *

"Don't you think we should stop avoiding the elephant in the room?" Pete asks the table of people eating breakfast with a pointed look to his partner.

She frowns and looks around, "Elsa isn't here, Pete." Her joke is received with a groan from around the table.

Not so easily distracted, Pete narrows his eyes at her and she does the same in response. "I didn't mean the actual elephant Mykes, I was trying to use an expression."

"Idiom," she corrects automatically and he kicks her under the table.

"Stop avoiding the question!" he insists with a pointed finger and when she gives him a baffled look in return he finally reveals, somewhat leeringly, "How was your date last night?"

The table is silent for a moment as her throat works soundlessly and then she sputters, "What? That was not…I did not...we weren't…"

"Aha!" he cries victoriously and looks at Claudia and Steve knowingly, "Seems to me like the lady doth protest too much." The incredulous look he gets from the Shakespeare admirer at his butchered quote makes Claudia snort so he just rolls his eyes. "Whatever. All I'm saying is last night you were all midnight strolley with the hot owner lady and she made you all giggly and hair twirly girly like."

The only thing Myka can manage in response is a choked argumentative noise from the back of her throat, but Steve and Claudia turn their attentions to their breakfast plates when Pete looks to them to corroborate his statement so he drops it. Of course not before twirling the air next to his ears with a doe eyed expression, which prompts Myka to fling her pancake across the table at him. He stuffs half of it into his mouth right away which means he's unable to do anything more than widen his eyes when he sees something behind her.

Myka's looking at him with furrowed eyebrows but she turns immediately at the murmured, "Good morning," from behind her left shoulder. Pete's teasing is still echoing in her head so she quickly looks away from the dark haired beauty when she sees Helena standing there with clasped hands and a bright smile. The others at the table greet her nicely, including Pete who works out his hello through a mouthful of pancake.

Helena turns her attention to the woman before her, "I wanted to come say hello and to thank you again Myka, for last night."

Heat is rising on the back of her neck and Myka hurriedly brushes off the thanks with muttered, rambling words that make HG smile faintly. Awkward silence ensues and when Myka looks at her breakfast companions she observes Pete trying to swallow his current mouthful a little too fast for her comfort. Knowing no good will come from the pantomime he's started she gets to her feet and pulls Helena along with her, not bothering with her plate or goodbyes.

"Did I interrupt something back there?" Helena questions when Myka halts their progress as soon as they are a safe enough distance from the breakfast area.

"Yes and I can never thank you enough," the aerialist returns with a quirked mouth, grateful when HG doesn't ask for an explanation.

"You two seem close," the woman offers carefully, "When you say partners do you also mean you two…" She suppresses a laugh at the horrified expression that springs to Myka's face.

"What? No! Ick, no, no, no," Myka grimaces. "We're only trapeze partners," she insists, then adds thoughtfully, "and sometimes partners in crime." Her hand comes up to rub the back of her neck, "Honestly, he's the brother I never wanted and the best friend I've ever had, but that is all."

"Duly noted," Helena nods solemnly, eyes twinkling. They stand together quietly, enjoying the rare stillness of the circus grounds. "So, I imagine you must have practicing to do or…" she trails off, eyebrow lifting.

"Later yes, but Pete always needs some time after breakfast for his half-hour power shower so I have some time if you wanted to…" It's her turn to leave her sentence unfinished but the message is received with a delighted smile regardless.

"What do you usually occupy your time with when you aren't practicing then?" HG asks curiously.

An easy shrug accompanies Myka's words, "Nothing special. When I'm not spending time with anyone else I usually carve out some quiet time in my car to just nap or read."

Helena's eyes light up, "You enjoy reading, too? What sorts of books?"

"A little of everything I suppose. I do have to be a little choosy about which books to keep since my car has limited space. One whole wall is actually dedicated to my bookshelf." At HG's inhale of delight she hesitates, eyeing her companion for a moment. "Would you like to see it?"

The pair makes their way inside the train that houses the performers' personal quarters, Myka pointing out certain areas of interest along the way. "Woah," she exclaims, pulling HG away from a closed door with a warning. "You don't want to go in there." The stifled moan that makes its way through the wood makes the woman falter, suspicions confirmed when she notes the light blush on Myka's face. "Acrobats," the tall woman explains as they continue on.

"And this one," she pauses dramatically a moment before opening the door, "is mine." Helena walks past her into the room, taking in the warm color scheme before exclaiming softly when she sees the large bookshelf and steps over to it. Myka watches her from the doorway, noting the way Helena's fingers run over certain spines with a reverent partiality and her stomach twists in a not altogether unpleasant way. She smiles tightly when HG looks back to her, the other woman's expression turned questioning, but raised voices carry from the next car over and she doesn't voice her query out loud. Moving fully into the room Myka shuts the door behind her, standing awkwardly in her own space for a moment before eyeing her companion again. Helena is thumbing through a particular volume with familiarity, smiling when her eyes scan the right passage before replacing it on the shelf and facing its owner with a pleased expression.

"Have you read all of these?" she gestures at the books excitedly, smile growing when Myka replies.

"Only about a dozen times or so." The roiling in her stomach turns to a flutter at the woman's delight and she feels herself relax. "You like to read?"

An enthusiastic nod is her answer along with, "And write," before the dark haired woman can censor herself. She looks at Myka almost guiltily, but the intrigue she sees has her backpedalling fast. "It's only dabbling, honestly." She puts insincere humor in her words. "My husband deplores it, but can't really say much against it with all of the train travel we've been doing lately."

"Why?" is all Myka asks, perhaps subliminally questioning the marriage itself and her tone carries displeasure with it. A jerked shrug and something along the lines of not proper and a waste of time make Myka's frown more pronounced but she senses the discomfort coming from the now quiet woman so she redirects the conversation awkwardly. "Well, I think it's great that you can write. Me, I'm an avid reader, but writing is a whole other vein, you know?"

"Getting thoughts down on paper can be quite the challenge," HG agrees, but then falls silent again and Myka chews on her lip nervously. Breaking the silence Helena clasps her hands together. "Well I suppose it's just about time for your rehearsals so I should probably let you get ready."

The aerialist acknowledges the out for what it is, but insists on at least walking HG back to the correct train, halting the woman's protestations with a skeptical, "Do you even know the way back to your car?"

The other woman falters, thinking for a moment before turning back sheepishly. "No, I don't believe I do," she admits, running a hand through her hair. Myka just chuckles and takes her elbow, leading them back through the train and off towards the direction of HG's own.

Silence envelops them as they walk, Helena feeling the lightness of the morning start to fade the closer she gets to her car. Seeing the familiar surroundings come into view she stops suddenly, making Myka stumble back and Helena withdraws her arm apologetically. "I think I can manage from here. As you've said it's not such a big circus after all."

Myka looks at the ground and nods, but doesn't move away. Finally she offers, "If you want to talk…"

"You must think me so silly," Helena interrupts and before Myka can shake her head or voice an objection she continues, "It's not that I don't see things the way they are. I know what it must seem like to you, but…" she trails off, not sure of how to explain things. Myka just waits patiently, grateful to be getting this much from the closed off woman.

Finally HG gathers her thoughts and relates, "Love is a rare creature and in its absence I found it was better to do without, rather than settle for something resembling it. Don't misunderstand me, I did compromise, but on my terms. I'd much rather live with indifference than suffer through a life of lackluster emotion."

The matter of fact way Helena describes her circumstances makes Myka ache for her, but she knows the woman would object to the first things that spring to her mouth. Instead she goes with, "I might have done the same thing, had I been in your shoes. Lucky for me I found a wayward circus to run away with when I was fifteen and I never looked back."

Her words draw a laugh from the troubled woman and Myka lights up at the sound. "I can practically picture you," her hand lifts to toy with a stray piece of Myka's hair, "a little curly haired stowaway, all trouble and crooked smiles."

The woman scoffs, "Hardly. I was cool and calm and impressed them immediately with my dazzling skill." This charms another laugh out of the dark eyed woman and they grin at each other before Helena bites her lip and looks away. Myka is rubbing her neck and staring off towards the colorful tents when she looks back and HG just watches her for a quiet moment.

When the tall woman turns back to her she sighs. "I should probably," gesturing to the train and Myka nods.

"Yeah, me too."

HG reaches out and touches her wrist, fingers lingering warmly. "Thanks for the lovely morning."

Myka smiles and HG lets go and heads to her car. She watches the woman go before sighing and heading back to the tented grounds. She's not paying attention so Nate is nearly upon her before she notices him coming her way. She quickens her pace and makes to move around him but he steps in her way forcing her to stop. "Hello" his greeting is polite but she bristles anyway, "not looking for me, were you?" He gestures to the train, "It's too chilly out to have a proper conversation, why don't you come to my car." Myka's feet plant firmly in the ground, he has attempted to be subtle in his leer of her but she catches it anyway and a wave of unpleasantness rolls over her.

"I've actually just come from talking with your wife," she says stiffly.

His eyes lift in surprise. "Did you now? It was awfully nice of you to entertain her for the afternoon."

"Actually it was very much the other way around. She's a fascinating person, as I'm sure you know." She adds this, trying to give him some semblance of a benefit of doubt, but his weak, uncertain nod erases it instantly.

"Fascinating, huh?" he chuckles conspiratorially. "Back home they just called it stubborn and improper, but perhaps circus life is a better venue for such attitudes." The icy stare he gets in response sets him back a pace, "Well, thank you for keeping her company, I suppose."

"My pleasure," Myka returns again, smiling tightly when he adds that should she need anything he would really be the one to talk to and walking away as soon as she can, brow furrowed and mind whirling.

* * *

Myka has just come around the side of the train car that Claudia had declared her inventor's lair when she first joined the circus last year. "Hey Claudia, Steve is looking for…Oh!" She stops short as soon as she sees the other occupant. "Helena," she all but stutters, "Hey…Hi." The dark haired woman looks up and smiles from where she sits on the floor of the car. She and Claudia are hunkered down with dozens of blueprints and schematics surrounding them and Myka can't help but notice how poised the woman looks even with her casual clothing and ink stained fingers.

"What are you two…wait," she holds up a hand when HG opens her mouth to answer. "Do I actually want to know what you two are up to?" She finishes her question with an arched brow that has Claudia making an affronted noise but Helena merely banters back.

"Probably not, darling." Her eyes glint mischievously. "This lair is for serious tinkerers only, certainly not for the weak of heart or dare I say disapproving folk." Claudia snickers without looking up from her notations and Myka rolls her eyes even as she boosts herself inside the dusty car.

"I don't disapprove of everything she comes up with," the aerialist defends, "only the experiments that have the potential for explosions or dismemberment."

"That's because you're no fun," the girl teases with a quick grin that assures she's kidding.

Myka just glares half heartedly in return before focusing on the papers on the floor. "Seriously, what are you two working on?"

HG glances at their plans then looks up resolutely, "I can definitively say it is not a bomb and that the chances of it catching fire are slim."

"Yeah, that's not really helpful or reassuring in any way."

The only response she gets is a raised brow and a matching smirk and she can't help but smile. She moves over to where the two sit and crouches next to Helena for a better view of what looks to be sketches of a rotating platform that could fit inside the main ring in the three ring tent. "Impressive," she allows quietly, her voice sounds just behind HG's right ear and the woman turns into it slightly, her sideways gaze not quite meeting Myka's face.

"Thanks," Claudia beams and both women glance at her simultaneously. "Myka, the potential right here," she gestures between herself and her new favorite inventing partner, "is off the charts, she seriously knows her stuff."

HG smiles in acknowledgment of the compliment but the way Myka is studying her from her close position makes her breathing stutter so she stays silent.

"Is that so?" Myka murmurs and Helena hopes the way she shivers isn't noticeable. She can't tell if Myka is winding her up on purpose or if she herself is the one reacting to insignificant gestures. For her part Myka cannot seem to stop her gaze from returning to the loose strands of hair that have fallen from Helena's half hazard up do. She could so easily reach the few inches and tuck them behind the woman's ear. As soon as the thought registers in her mind she startles and sucks in a harsh breath. It takes another second for Claudia's query to reach her and she visibly shakes herself out of her stupor.

"Right. Yes. Steve is looking for you. Apparently the automatic feeder you set up stopped working and now he wants you to come over and explain to Leo why he didn't get breakfast."

Claudia looks at her oddly then winces, "The lion? Dang, I wonder why it stopped." She leaps to her feet with the prospect of a new puzzle, "Hey HG, wanna come take a look with me?"

The woman pulls herself up from the floor at the same time as Myka so that they are abruptly standing too close in the same space before they both take a hasty step backwards. Widening her eyes for Claudia's benefit she replies, "Go and help feed a lion? I don't know, it seems like one of those risky maneuvers Myka was referring to earlier. We might need a chaperone." Her gaze cuts to the aerialist who merely smiles charmingly.

"It would certainly be an experience unfitting a monotonous tea party, that's for sure. Doesn't hurt that Leo has a fondness for pretty girls that bring him liver cuts."

Claudia raises her eyebrows as she looks back and forth at them. "So are we going then?" she asks leadingly since she's already grabbed whatever tools she may need. When they both respond affirmatively she grabs an arm each and pulls them from the car stating a hungry lion is not a happy lion, no matter how pretty said liver feeder is.

* * *

Sawdust mixes with the air and HG breathes it in, the dark clouds outside not giving way to rain just yet. It's just an afternoon practice session so the trapeze artists aren't in their usual performance wear, but Myka looks stunning nevertheless. The simple outfit of form fitting black cotton adheres to her shape as she and Pete fly dizzyingly up above her. Helena can hear them talking, but they are too far up to make out any conversation. The aerialists share their tent with the acrobats and tightrope walkers since it's the tallest and it makes for an impressive show.

She watches Myka in her element, sees the muscles in her arms pull her up until she's sitting on the silver bar, swinging on it like a child on a swingset. She laughs at something Pete says then abruptly lets go, hanging upside down with only her knees holding her there. Her curls tumble towards the ground as the bar gains momentum and at just the right second she straightens her legs, body flipping towards her partner as he catches her outstretched hands easily. With his new vantage point Pete notices her standing below them and says something to Myka before catapulting her up onto the stationary platform behind them. The aerialist looks to where his motioning hand points and she smiles brightly, "Helena!"

The dark haired woman waves and returns the grin, walking closer to the safety net below them. "One second," Myka calls down, returning her focus to her partner who is still swinging. Once he's close enough she leaps, hands grabbing his feet, the two of them making a long line until he bends and lifts her so she can reach the bar above them. He looks up and must say something in typical Pete fashion because she steps on his fingers warningly, eyes not narrowed quite enough to be taken seriously and he just laughs. She yelps when he reaches up and grabs her ankle, throwing her off balance and suddenly she's falling. Helena's heart leaps into her throat, not liking the unexpected plunge, though she knows the woman is in no danger. Myka hits the net and rolls gracefully, glaring up at her laughing partner before meeting Helena's eyes and moving towards her. "Hello," she murmurs happily, pulling herself up so she can sit on the edge of netting.

HG returns the greeting then motions upwards, "You two look fantastic up there."

Myka smiles at the praise but shakes her head, "I don't know." Her voice rises, "I'm seriously considering a solo act."

A bark of laughter from above and shouted, "You couldn't do without me and you know it," has her rolling her eyes but smiling despite herself.

Her attentions return to the woman in front of her, cataloging the way the soft cream colored sweater she wears accentuates the darkness of her hair. "What brings you to our corner of the circus?"

HG shrugs in an attempt to seem casual, the pointed gesture being anything but. "The threatening weather has my husband in a tizzy so I thought I would stay out of the way and come see what my favorite trapeze artist is up to." The smile she gets in return is so adoring she bites back the feeling it invokes and teases instead, "How is Pete then?" Pursed lips and a light kick to the knee are payment for her trouble, though it works to diffuse the rise of emotion she hadn't expected.

Whatever response Myka had is drowned out by the exalted yell from above as Pete launches himself to the net. The seated woman has no time to brace herself and when he hits she is catapulted off, Helena breaking her fall as they tumble to the ground. They lie there in stunned silence, Myka desperately trying not to blush at the feel of the woman beneath her. "Are you ok?" she exclaims, lifting herself up and checking Helena for broken bones only stopping when she hears the woman's rich laughter. Her eyebrows rise in cautious concern when the laughter turns riotous and she hopes HG has not hit her head too hard. She's about to ask the woman how many fingers she is holding up when broken sentences make their way to her ears.

"Darling, your face," Helena wheezes, "what a picture."

Chuckling from behind them finally registers and Myka turns her head accusingly. Pete stops laughing when he sees the glare on her face and attempts to look apologetic. "Sorry Mykes. I couldn't resist."

"You could have hurt us!" she exclaims and turns his attention to the woman still laughing on the ground. "I think you actually broke her."

Finally gaining control of her amusement HG sits up and attempts to reassure them. "I'm perfectly fine." She takes Myka's offered hand up but then turns a disapproving eye towards Pete as she continues, "Though lucky for both of you I make a fine landing pad. What would you have done had she broken something?" The man shrugs and looks so chastised she can't help but smile playfully at him when he looks back to her. "The look on her face when she flew into the air though," and with that the two burst into laughter again.

Rolling her eyes at the pair Myka just shakes her head in defeat, punching her partner twice for good measure before taking Helena's arm and declaring practice over for the day.

The rainy weather makes Myka's candlelit train car the perfect venue for a lazy afternoon of reading, the room's occupants lounging easily atop her bed, devouring their choice reads in comfortable silence. Helena glances up every so often to watch the candle flames turn Myka's curls a pretty shade of gold, only remembering herself when she sees the faint pink blush that settles on the woman's cheeks each time she's caught at it. Myka doesn't say anything though so she allows her gaze to linger, cataloging the curve of her neck, admiring the long legs that have been pulled beneath her lean body.

A loud bang on the door interrupts her study and she jumps slightly, watching as Myka unfolds herself and opens the door, revealing her grinning partner. "Hello ladies," he says slyly and Myka clenches her jaw so that her answering smile is more of a grimace.

"What?" she questions piercingly, her expression promising harm if he's interrupted them needlessly.

"Looks like this weather is only getting worse and you know what that means!" he states, waggling his eyebrows for effect. She just gives him her patented 'back away from the crazy man' stare that he's used to so he simply points a finger at her, wordlessly commanding her to be there or else, then leaves the room chanting the letters S.W.S exuberantly.

The two women share an amused glance before Myka shakes her head and moves to shut the door again. "S.W.S.?" HG questions, not sure she actually wants to know the cause for such excitement.

"Stormy Weather Soirees," Myka explains. "When the weather gets bad like this we can't open the gates, it's not safe to have the public in the tall tents though not many generally show up when it's storming like this anyway." She sits back down, discreetly placing herself further away from her previously too close position to HG because she would very much like to stop looking like a blushing, smiling idiot at some point in this woman's presence.

Risking a glance she notes the intrigued look on Helena's face and continues in what she hopes is a nonchalant manner. "There's usually dancing because there is always too much booze and as soon as Artie has had enough we can usually sweet-talk him into telling us his stories from what Pete calls his 'circus days of yore'. Helena laughs at that which makes Myka smile and she supposes she'll just have to get used to the now frequent gesture while studiously ignoring the cause of it.

"It sounds delightful," Helena states, bumping Myka's shoulder with her own. "Does my worthiness of endless wonder extend to such an event as well?"

A shriek of wind gusts through the open car window and both women shiver. Myka gets up to close it tightly, her countenance suddenly unsure. "You want to come?"

Helena's answering grin is lazy and she drawls, "Well if that's your best invitation I suppose it'll do, yes." Her smile drops when Myka's anxious posture doesn't let up at her teasing. "I mean, if you want,"

"Just you?"

The question interrupts HG and lingers between them, the smaller woman turning it over in her mind before concluding, "You mean not my husband." Myka doesn't look up from the floor and Helena simply stares at her before going to the door. She moves to step through it then stops herself, stating slowly, "I'll see what I can do."

Finally tearing her eyes upwards Myka verbally scrambles, "Helena wait, I didn't mean," but the woman is already too far down the car and either doesn't hear or doesn't care to respond so the aerialist sinks to the floor, hitting her head against the wall with a huff.

* * *

Pete's loud off color joke has everyone around him screaming with laughter but Myka only manages a small smile, her concentration falling distractedly about the party, gaze falling most often towards the entrance of the tent. She's grabbing another drink, scolding herself for her pathetic need to keep checking the ring for someone she knows isn't there when the tent flap shifts to reveal a very small looking Helena and Myka is moving before she knows it.

What she can see of the clingy red dress HG wears underneath the large black coat makes Myka swallow hard as she approaches the nervous looking woman. "You came," she says softly and crosses her arms, mirroring HG's posture.

The writer looks at the fluttering ribbons of Myka's shimmery dress and nods before gesturing to herself. "I wasn't sure what exactly one wore to a S.W.S party." The black coat falls open as she speaks and Myka quickly glances away from the low cut of red silk that's revealed.

Laughing derisively more at herself than anything the aerialist moves so the other woman can see the party behind them. "It seems there is an unofficial red and black dress code tonight so you will fit in perfectly." She watches Helena take in the gathering, trying to ease the uninvited tension she feels between them. "Not sure how that happened," she mutters quietly referring to the many red and black costumed people and her own white gown, "maybe I should go change."

"You will do no such thing," is Helena's firm reply and Myka catches a glimpse of appreciative eyes flitting over her figure before darting away. Warmth floods through her and she looks to the ground with a small smile. Unease still ripples between them though and that has Myka mustering up her courage. Wanting more than anything to ease the strain, she spits out "I'm sorry," but Helena is shaking her head and doesn't let her finish.

"Don't think anything of it," she implores, arching an eyebrow when the taller woman attempts to do so anyway. Myka falls silent, but furrows her brow in quiet consternation at the plea. "Nate went into the nearest town anyway," she continues, gaze finding the ground, "doing business of some sort. He saw the bad weather coming in and sent the driver back." She keeps her eyes trained downwards as she can feel Myka's hot stare burning into her, the other woman imagining just what sort of business would drive him into a small town alone and keep him there all night. HG merely shrugs it off, wanting more than anything to not feel pity coming from the woman in front of her. "I'm sure he'll be back sometime tomorrow."

Myka takes in the form before her, sees the way Helena practically shrinks into the overcoat that seems far too large now and she holds back every ounce of anger and unwarranted jealously that her body seems to want to run with. Instead she internally vows that this conversation is not going to be forgotten, however now is not the time for such things when they have the whole night ahead of them. "Well let's hope he's not back too early," she says as lightly as she can manage and when Helena lifts her head up questioningly she continues with exaggeration. "Because this party is just getting started and it's going to be a very long night. We circus folk don't stop 'til we drop."

Loud music threatens to overwhelm every conversation but no one thinks to lower it as the boisterous environment has everyone in good spirits. Another drink was Myka's first line of defense and HG has already downed two before declaring the room too warm for her jacket. Steve graciously adds her coat to the pile of garments outside the ring, grateful for the distance when a laugh escapes him at the wide eyed expression on Myka's face, her hand coming up to rub the back of her neck. Pete wolf whistles which makes HG blush and Myka's hand flies up to smack him automatically. He just laughs and whispers something in her ear that makes her face heat and has HG looking curiously at them before a remark from a passing clown has Myka pulling HG hard to her side, a forceful glare burning into the short man's back.

The woman at her side says something and Pete snorts at the way Myka's attentions are so easily reclaimed by her. Steve rejoins them with drinks and Claudia bounds over, looking HG over and fanning herself comically before sharing an amused glance with Steve at the way HG is still leaning into the taller woman.

Several hours later the party is still going strong, easily muting the noise of the storm outside. Myka hurries back into the tent after her companion, not wanting her to be alone with so many drunken eyes on her. She'd followed Helena to the bathroom, both laughing as the wind whipped at their gowns on the way back. They're both breathing heavily as they reenter the large tent, the late hour and alcohol catching up to them.

Myka nudges HG and points discreetly across the tent to where Artie has just picked up another drink while Pete and Claudia cheer. The party quiets as the attendees notice the dimming of the lights by Claudia and Myka notes the way HG leans interestedly towards the device that makes that happen. "I'm sure she'd love to show you later," she whispers quietly and Helena smiles in response before her breath catches in her throat as Myka takes her hand and leads her up the bleachers, both of them following suit of everyone else and settling in for Artie's tale. Claudia turns only the spotlight in the main ring on, leaving everyone but the storyteller in darkness.

He waits for the muted voices and movement to stop before starting dramatically, "Have you all heard of the time Tinga the Tiger escaped from the circus?" Excited voices echo through the tent, most everyone knowing the tale but ready for the retelling anyway. Helena turns to Myka with a raised eyebrow at the normally cantankerous man's exuberance and they share a laugh. Artie continues speaking but then HG shifts beside her and suddenly Myka is painfully aware of how close they are sitting and sound falls away at the scent of the woman's perfume with each shallow breath she takes. Her eyes bore a hole in the minute space between where their hands sit on the wooden bench and her heart is beating so fast she absently thinks it will probably hurt when she faints and falls down the bleachers.

She's startled out of her overwhelmed state by the gasp of the crowd at a particular turn of the story and she tries to regain some semblance of control by carefully ignoring the figure next to her. This stops working as soon as she hears Helena's throaty chuckle at Artie's reenactment of their attempts to wrangle the tiger back and then her eyes are trailing from the woman's lipstick tinted mouth down to her collarbone, finally tracing to the edge of red silk she'd been pointedly flicking her eyes away from all night. After indulging for a moment she tears her gaze away only to find dark eyes trained intently on her so she turns and blushes so hard her face heats up like she's inches from a fire. She is most definitely _not_ looking at Helena anymore so she jolts in surprise when the woman's hand covers hers, fingertips playing against her own.

When she risks a glance, Helena's attention has seemingly turned back to the ring so Myka does the same and tries to relax, mentally shaking her head at her own inability to do so. And she knows this is the part of the story where Jinks comes into play with his calm and experienced manner and coaxes the tiger back to its enclosure, but she can't hear Artie speaking over the buzzing in her head as Helena's fingers trace lines in her palm. She gasps softly when dull nails tickle the inside of her wrist and she jerks her hand away only to have Helena hold tight and tangle their fingers together again. Myka knows she could drown in this sensation and never be sorry for it so she embraces it, tightening her grip and smiling to herself.

Helena isn't sure how long they've been sitting there, but abruptly the audience is clapping and Steve is making his way to the spotlight for a hearty bow. "Let's go," she pleads breathlessly and Myka knows this is a bad idea, that it's late and they've been drinking and…and Helena is _married_ for heaven's sake, but dark eyes are begging her and Helena's adding, "Quick before the lights come back on." So she's pulling them through the darkness and outside before she realizes she's already given all of herself to this, whatever this will be.

They are shivering in the wind and rain and the first time Myka tries to voice her question it comes out in a rasp too low to hear so she clears her throat and looks over Helena's head when she tries again. "Where do you want to go?"

It's not the cold of the storm that makes her shiver when Helena steps into her, scarlet dress turning dark with rain. Helena has to stand on tiptoe to reach Myka's ear, fingertips burning into the taller woman's shoulder as she implores, "Somewhere no one will come looking for us." She's made the decision in an instant, her certainty pulling them both through a maze of tents until Helena is lost and clutches Myka's hand, raindrops turning their grip wet.

A small tent sits beside the cars that house the animals that don't even look up from their sleep as they pass by. Myka pulls Helena inside then ties the laces on the flap so tightly even the howling wind won't be able to yank it open. This is the place where extra straw and supplies for the animals are kept and Myka knows they've already been taken care of for the night. The tall woman leans against the tent for a moment before turning around and losing her breath at the sight of the woman in front of her. Dress plastered to her body, red lips parted as she breathes heavily, raindrops falling from the ends of her hair to hit skin and Myka follows their descent until they meet fabric.

Thunder claps loudly making them both jump, the thin tent walls doing nothing to muffle the noise. "We'd probably be able to get out of here before the fire from a stray lightning bolt gets to us, yes?" Helena asks, only half in jest. As if in accordance a white flash illuminates the tent and she watches it play on Myka's skin, eyes drawn to a stray curl that has escaped the pretty hairstyle she had tried to tame it into. Thunder cracks again and Helena spooks, the noise startling her as it echoes across the sky.

"Hey," Myka rasps out, stepping closer to the jumpy woman. "Maybe we should go back,"

Her sentence remains unfinished as Helena closes the distance between them and swiftly presses their lips together. She's grateful for the remnants of her reasoning as her arms automatically come up to hold the woman clinging to her. When Helena wraps her hands behind her neck she moans as the kiss deepens and she can taste red wine and lipstick on her tongue.

Something in Myka breaks when a small needy sound leaves Helena's throat and she is certain now that she will never be able to have enough of the beautiful creature in her arms. The thought expresses itself in her grip that turns bruising on Helena's hips and when the small hands wrapped around her neck dig their nails into her skin they both whimper at the contact. There's a thousand different things Myka wants to convey in this moment, all of them pressing into her with their need to be expressed and she wants to cry because she knows there's not enough time to do any of them justice.

The thought that this may only be for tonight, that she can only have this woman in her arms for a matter of hours makes her kisses turn desperate and her fumbling fingers start frantically trying to unlace trappings of silk. The knots have become wet and thusly impossible to undo however and soon she's trembling in her need to get the dress off of Helena.

It takes a few moments for the tugging of Myka's fingers on the back of her gown to register in Helena's kissed foggy state, but once the motions become hard yanks she pulls back, taking the shaking form in front of her in with wide concern. "Myka," she croons softly, hoping to ease the distress she can read all over her face.

The woman is breathing rapidly, trying to pull a sleeve down with little success. "I can't get it," she huffs out shakily. Her head starts shaking as she hears Helena assure her that it is alright and her fingers suddenly stop trying to find purchase in the dress fabric as she wraps her arms around herself tightly. "It's not alright," she cries out, wet green eyes looking up beseechingly. And there are so many things she wants to say, injustices she wants to rail against, but "there isn't enough time," is what she settles for lamely and looks away from the gentle understanding in Helena's expression.

Helena's eyes slam shut at the weight of emotion she feels coming from the beautiful woman across from her and she hates that she's not strong enough for it. The self loathing rises even as she steps closer to Myka, this woman she's ruining every moment they're together, because she knows she's also not strong enough to leave, that she needs Myka more than anything and that this will probably hurt them both.

Stepping into the taller woman she can feel light tremors still running through her, the chill of rain soaked clothing catching up to them. When she hears a shaky inhale of breath everything else disappears except her need to comfort the other woman. "I know," she soothes, running her hands up Myka's arms and encircling her neck with them. "I know there isn't enough time, but this right here is worth a thousand unhappy days," she assures, "at least for me. If this is all we can have then I'll take it over nothing at all."

Dark eyes are begging her again and Myka resolves to push everything else aside as soon as they fall on her. She doesn't want this to be about anything other than the two of them anyway so when Helena suggests they both give the laces a go she merely nods, catching the hands that fall away from her neck in her own and tugging so that bodies and mouths collide again.

With both their efforts they manage to get the strings loosened enough so that Myka can pull the dress up and over HG's head, the two laughing when it becomes stuck momentarily. Once she's free of the garment and it's thrown carelessly to the ground Helena's mouth goes dry with the way Myka is looking at her. She shivers and the next second Myka's pulling her close and kissing her fiercely. Gasping when Myka's fingers find her bare skin Helena wants to feel too and when her wandering hands hit white satin she tugs at it. "Off," she manages to rasp out in what she wanted to be a demanding tone, but it comes out more pleading than anything. Myka's lips don't stop their exploration of her chest long enough to comply and Helena growls, crumpling the material in her hands and leaving it wrinkled.

She gasps in surprise when Myka pushes her down on top of clean straw and soft blankets and her mind goes blank at the feel of cool satin pressing into her as Myka settles on top of her. Soon enough she's writhing helplessly, eyes shut tightly and hands clenching, one at the straw near her head, the other in her own dark hair. Her breath comes in harsh pants as Myka's hands explore her body, lingering in all the places that make her gasp and bite her lip. She's vaguely aware of the fact that her underwear is being removed but it's not until cool air hits her center that she opens her eyes, staring blearily down at Myka between her thighs. The woman pauses and smiles, expression impossibly tender as they both breathe heavily.

The still dressed woman holds out as long as she can, unable to do anything more than stare up at the disheveled woman for a long moment. Soon enough though Helena's eyes are leaving hers as they slam shut when Myka's mouth moves in to taste her and a muffled shout escapes the woman. The taste and smell of Helena threaten to overwhelm Myka but she works to set up a steady rhythm that has HG shuddering sooner than she'd like. Pulling back despite Helena's intense protestations she moves back up the lovely woman's body and combs through dark locks gently, trying to calm her racing heart. Her mouth presses small kisses on Helena's face, her mouth, eyelids, nose, forehead, before the woman surges up and captures her lips roughly, drawing a moan out of both of them.

"Myka, please," Helena begs and the husky note in her voice has the strong woman powerless to refuse. The fingers of her right hand tickle down Helena's side, over her hipbone, down until they hit their wet purchase and the overcome woman arches up into the touch with a loud cry. Myka's fingers set a steady pace that reduces the woman beneath her to whimpers and unintelligible words. These become noisy exclamations when Myka's mouth starts to tease her breasts, circling and tugging on one nipple then the other. Her administrations have Helena completely at her mercy and soon she's pushing the beautiful woman over the edge, kissed red mouth tipped back in a soundless cry. As soon as the aftershocks stop Myka ceases her movement, returning immediately to press more kisses on Helena's face.

Helena is breathing harshly, still trembling as Myka presses light kisses under her ear and down her jaw. As soon as awareness comes back to her she places a hand under the woman's chin and when their eyes meet she smiles, lifting up to press a long sweet kiss to her lips.

After a moment the kiss turns heavy as HG coaxes the tip of Myka's tongue into her mouth and sucks on it, prompting a moan from the tall woman. She pulls them both up until they're sitting, then uses her body's leverage to turn them and playfully shove Myka down into the straw, the woman beneath her laughing in surprise. Her amusement ends with a yelp as strong hands shove her dress up around her hips. Myka's breathing turns heavy and faltering when Helena wastes no time in exploring her soaked center and it seems like it's been torturously too long yet no time at all when she comes hard against the other woman's talented tongue.

She barely has the energy to laugh and press a fond kiss to Helena's temple when the woman moves back up to her and collapses with a satisfied huff. Reaching above their heads Myka pulls a blanket over them, wrapping an arm around the other woman who curls into her side. She presses another kiss atop HG's head and noses into lavender scented hair before closing her eyes, succumbing to sleep immediately. Helena follows soon after, the heady feeling of being completely sated and Myka's steady breathing lulling her to sleep.

Bright sunlight filters through the white tent walls, patches of warmth hitting Myka's skin wherever the dress she still has on allows. She shifts sleepily and yawns, turning over to find…nothing. Her face falls in disappointment, but she's not surprised. Trying hard not to cry she pulls herself together and gets up, listening cautiously for any signs of life outside the small tent. It's still very early so thankfully no one is up and about yet and she slips out, not bothering to hold her dress up out of the wet grass as she heads for her room at a quick pace.

It's not until she's safely inside and she sees the book Helena had been reading yesterday afternoon still lying on her bed that she allows the tears to fall, tossing the book to the floor and curling into herself brokenly.

* * *

Lately Pete and Myka have been training harder than usual, the strong woman despising her loss of control and making up for it with extra long workouts before dragging Pete to their arena for daily practices. He knows better than to ask her where she disappeared to the other night, but she can tell he's brimming with curiosity, making their sessions strained and uneasy. Every time one of them falls Myka curses loudly until Pete begs for a break. When Myka grudgingly relents he practically runs out and she sighs, climbing up to the top platform again. Instead of attempting another trick she drops and wraps her arms around her knees, her head landing on top of them heavily.

Several hours later it's showtime, the earliest show starting mid afternoon and in Myka's dressing room she shows no sign of her earlier distress. She banters with Pete as they stretch, greets Claudia fondly when she stops in to say hi, and smiles when her partner asks if she's ready. Right before they go on she checks her makeup, the dark tones contrasting with her silvery costume wonderfully. She looks at her reflection almost warningly before narrowing her eyes and nodding sharply to herself, following Pete into the brightly lit arena with a showy grin.

The performers have no way of knowing it, but Helena is watching their every move intently. Nate had insisted she accompany him to watch the afternoon's festivities, suggesting it would distract her out of her gloomy mood and she'd finally agreed. As soon as Artie had announced the aerialists' act she'd sat straight up, eyes latching onto Myka's glittering form and drinking her in greedily. The brunette was stunning under the spotlight, costume sparkling, her dark features and curls giving her a smoky quality. She smiles brightly under the crowd's attention, both performers climbing up high and running through their routine flawlessly.

It's a different world, high up above the crowd and Myka revels in it, losing herself in the familiar flying. Once their show ends to raucous applause she takes Pete's hand as they bow and wave, tumbling out of the net and disappearing back to their dressing room. Myka drops heavily into her chair and stares up at the ceiling with a sigh. After a moment she turns to him, "What?"

Pete just shakes his head, still looking at her intently. "You can talk to me, but I know you know that so this is just a reminder that I'm here, okay?" Her glare softens and she nods briefly before returning her attention to the ceiling.

The second Myka disappears from the arena Helena aches to follow, but she waits for the intermission before begging out with a headache and slipping away. Finding her way to Myka's staging room she stands just inside the door, uncharacteristically unsure of herself. She sees Myka staring blankly upwards and it is Pete who notices her first, glancing between the two silent women before slipping out without a word. "Myka," she opens her mouth to say, but nothing comes out and she fiddles with the cuffs of her shirt nervously.

"Hello darling," finally makes its way out of her mouth, if only a little hoarsely and the woman in the chair jumps up and yelps in shock. Whirling around Myka just stares at her, can only look at her like whatever happens in the next moment has the ability to make or break her and Helena hopes she's reading her expression wrong because that kind of power frightens her more than anything.

Myka opens her mouth to speak then closes it promptly as Helena takes a step towards her. The dark haired woman stops at the wary expression directed at her and takes a deep breath. She doesn't know what to say, how to explain herself, but Myka is looking at her like she just wishes she would say anything so she finally does.

"I shouldn't have left like that," is what she leads with and Myka's wince rushes her next words. "When I awoke my mind started racing and I knew I had to be back before Nate was, but you," she falters at the memory and threads a hand through her hair, "Myka you looked so beautiful and you were sleeping so peacefully and I didn't want to wake you with an awkward conversation." She steps closer and Myka's eyes flare at her proximity. "It's not a good excuse but it is the truth. And I'm very sorry," she adds softly, finally reaching out to trace a finger down the back of the other woman's hand.

Myka inhales sharply at the touch, memories of that night flooding through her mind and she closes her eyes against them. Pulling her hand away and wrapping it around her middle she clears her throat. "It's okay," she finally manages, opening her eyes to meet hopeful brown ones. "I get it, that night was"

"Perfect," Helena cuts in and Myka's eyes flicker to the floor, heady in her relief that the woman hadn't said 'a mistake'. When she finds dark eyes again she gets lost in them as she's found so easy to do and it's only the excited voices of other performers, just finishing or getting ready to start their routines that breaks their stare.

Her smile turns shy but her grip is firm on Helena's wrist as she tugs the woman with her. She leads them to an empty train car, normally used for transporting the presently in use tents and equipment. After hauling herself inside she pulls Helena up after her, both women glancing around to make sure the coast is clear.

The car is dark with the door partially shut but Myka can still make out HG's smile. "I saw your performance back there," the woman reveals, stepping comfortably into Myka's space. "You are stunning. Wowed the whole crowd," she compliments proudly then bites her lip, fairly sure she will never tire of making the pretty woman blush.

HG is standing breathtakingly close and the words she's been mulling over for days finally spill out of her mouth. "I wasn't sure if you would want to see me again. Like this I mean," she says, referring to their close position. "I didn't know if one night was all you wanted." Her words are anxious, still unsure of what the woman next to her is thinking.

Shaped eyebrows lift over wide eyes. "Want to see you?" Helena's tone is disbelieving. "Myka," she murmurs, lips finally brushing the aerialist's. "In a perfect world I'd have nothing else but you," she declares, mouth slanting over Myka's and stealing her breath away with her kiss. Myka's head spins with the words and when they break apart she's beaming, the idea that Helena might want her just as much as Myka needs her in return making her dizzy. Her eyes take in the other woman's flushed state and she moves to ensure its permanence.

"Myka," HG practically whimpers, the lips on her neck wiping any other thought away as they travel down to her collarbone.

The way Helena lengthens the last letter of her name into a sigh makes Myka shiver and she bites down on the woman's pulse point in a deft response.

HG's head jerks back, air leaving her lungs with a small cry. She feels Myka's lips smile against her skin and her lips curve up in return before the feel of fingers on the buttons of her shirt make their surroundings snap back into focus. "Myka, we can't," she protests, hating herself the minute her words cause the cessation of wandering hands. She feels, more than hears, the stomp of Myka's foot before she's suddenly pressed up against the side of the train car, green eyes boring into her own, pleading more than the aerialist's words can vocalize, though she tries.

"We _can_," she declares harshly, pressing her form totally against the slighter woman and trapping her there. Helena's eyes snap shut at the sensation and her hands find the sequined material of Myka's costume almost without her notice. Once she does however she runs them steadily upwards and her voice leaves her in a small moan when they hit the bare skin below Myka's shoulder blades.

Then Myka kisses her hard and she can only clutch there for purchase as her legs threaten to give out, the wall behind her taking up the slack. The dizzying affect of the aerialist's kisses is not new, but the desperation behind it makes tears spring up behind closed eyelids. And she does not want to cry so she matches the woman, lips bruising in their intensity.

Her lungs are burning when she tears her mouth away with a sharp inhale and Myka drops her head down, pressing a light kiss to her throat as they breathe loudly, still closely entwined. They are silent for a long moment, the only noise outside of their panting coming from the distant circus tents.

"He will destroy you," Helena agonizes quietly into soft curls and a wry huff hits her shoulder.

"What do you think is happening to me now?" Myka returns, lifting her head to catch Helena's gaze. Lightly calloused fingers trace the edges of her sad smile and she kisses Helena's thumb when it comes to rest in the middle of her lips.

The writer's thumb strokes over her mouth one more time then caresses her cheekbone before sliding up into her hair, soothing tangles back. "I mean it, Myka. He will take away all of this; the circus, your home, your job. In one fell swoop he can have it all and he won't hesitate to do so."

Fear is easily read in Helena's dark gaze and Myka hates seeing it there, hates everything about the man who puts it there. "Your husband does not scare me," she utters defiantly and her muscles tense with the sentiment.

When Helena feels the rigidity to Myka's posture she pushes her backwards a step. She wants to impress upon the strong woman that trying to take on her husband is hopeless. She wants to relate that this love affair is madness and won't end well for either of them. Instead, upon taking in the other woman's frown she works to undo it and rolls her eyes exaggeratedly. "Perhaps you should have been a lion tamer. Your detrimental combination of bravery and stubbornness would have been a perfect fit."

Her light words seem to work as she watches the storm in Myka's eyes disappear, furrowed eyebrows smoothing out into a somewhat teasing expression. "Those pussycats," the tall woman dismisses with a crooked grin. "I'd have them eating out of my hand in no time."

And Helena can only chuckle along with her, stepping easily back into the other woman's embrace and holding her tightly. "Perhaps we'll keep you away from Mr. Jinks' cats for awhile," she agrees before sobering slightly, the smell of Myka's perfume dulling her senses. "Darling, the thought of anything happening to you tears me apart." Her body shudders and she shakes her head fiercely to rid her mind of the gruesome path it takes her down. "I can't…"

The rest of her words are stolen away as Myka holds her tight, the performer's heart aching with corresponding emotion. "You let me worry about me," she instructs softly as her fingers stroke through glossy dark hair. Her only answer is the quiet breathing by her neck so she sighs, mind furiously working towards a solution, a way out that won't force them to be on the run and in danger. Every scenario has them hitting a brick wall, just as it has every time she's tried thinking it through before. She bites back the usual frustration that follows, focusing solely on the woman in her arms, knowing this moment will be over much too soon.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey HG!" Claudia's friendly greeting finds her as she walks to her car a few days later and she turns in time to see Myka's attention snap towards her. "We're playing a few rounds of cards in the clearing over there, want to join us?"

"I would love to, but I can't," she replies to the girl, but her attention is on the woman beside her. "Nate picked up some things in town and we're having a special dinner tonight." She watches the way Myka's hopeful gaze dulls and her next words hold duel meaning. "I'm sorry." The young girl's face turns wistful, but she takes in the disappointment on Myka's face and waves off the apology with a grim smile, heading towards the field alone.

Discontent floods through Myka and yet she still drinks in as much of Helena as she can. Stepping closer she inquires quietly, "You can't get out of it?"

The soft pleading tone makes her angry in a way she doesn't entirely understand. "No Myka, I can't 'get out of it'. He is my husband and at some point I do have to spend some time with him, like it or not." Her words are icy and she regrets them as soon as Myka steps back as if stung. She starts to apologize, but the other woman is already shaking her head, muttering words of understanding even though she won't look Helena in the eye.

"It's fine," Myka maintains as she walks away, "I'll see you later, alright?" And Helena is nodding even though Myka isn't looking and she just watches her for another moment before steeling herself and continuing to her car for dinner.

* * *

"There you are!" The words are exclaimed with an air of relief and Myka looks down over the edge of the train car roof where she's been sitting, not technically hiding, for some time. "You missed the game. What are you doing up there?" Claudia asks, staring up at her, "The train's almost ready to go."

There's no good way to answer her and the two remain quiet, Myka resuming her stare across the yard at the second train, at a certain car whose lights had been blown out over an hour ago. "Nothing," the soft reply comes finally, "Just getting some air." One more look and then she's moving swiftly down the car stairs, breezing by the young girl with a muted apology.

* * *

If only her breakfast plate held all the answers, Myka thinks cynically as she stares at it, absently pushing the food around. She is resolutely not looking up, not wanting to see Helena at the moment and tired of dodging Pete's concerned stares. When the accented voice she hasn't heard in two days sounds across the table she glares at her untouched food. HG is asking Claudia if today would be a good time to work on the remote they've been tinkering with, the one that will supposedly collapse the big tent satisfactorily. Claudia beams with affirmation, turning to the brooding woman and asking if she'd like to come too.

A tense smile and terse, "I don't think so," is all Myka can manage before she's clearing her plate from the table and striding away. She sighs internally and heads for the wooded land beyond the circus setup, counting silently to herself. She's reached two fifty two when she hears harsh footfalls behind her and she runs her hand through her hair, already dreading the coming exchange as she turns.

"What is the matter with you?" are the first words out of Helena's mouth and she watches Myka visibly bristle.

"What's the matter with me?" she asks incredulously. She'd regretted her petty outburst as soon as it'd happened, but Helena's first words to her in so many days had her back on the defensive. "Are you serious?"

HG tosses her hands in the air with irritation. "I'm sorry I couldn't be with you the other night, but what was I to do? I thought you understood that this could never be, not to the extent we want."

"Why not?" she fires back petulantly and she hates herself and the pathetic way her fingers have started to shake.

"Come on, Myka." HG's tone is disparaging. "You are smarter than this."

The words inflame the tall woman and she glares hotly. "Smarter than what? Smarter than wanting to be with the woman I love? Sorry, guess it's just a gut reaction of mine. I'll try harder to suppress it." The words are snide and Helena rolls her eyes.

"You're being childish," she volleys back, ignoring Myka's protest. "Things are what they are and there's nothing to be done about them." She can tell Myka is gearing up for another passionate response so she digs, "We didn't all run away with the circus when life didn't suit us. We made choices," a pause, then her tone softens. "I made choices."

Myka laughs, bitter and disbelievingly. "So that's it then. Life is what it is and when it doesn't work out you won't even try to change it."

"What do you want me to do? What am I supposed to tell him?" Helena's incredulous tone turns mocking, "Sorry dear, but I've fallen in love with the gorgeous aerialist in your circus and we'd like to be together now, no hard feelings?"

Tears spring to Myka's eyes but she glares through them defiantly. "Don't do that. Don't you dare make light of this. That's not fair."

"Fair? Myka, I'm not making light of anything, I'm being realistic."

"You're being realistic or are you just running scared?"

"Scared?" her tone is incredulous, "I'm terrified!" She pulls her arms around her stomach and digs her fingers into her sides to stop her shaking. "I'm terrified of the way you own me so completely, I'm terrified of what will happen if my husband finds out, and most of all I'm terrified of the day he sells the circus for another business scheme because I don't know how I'll ever live without you now."

The other woman's countenance softens, but she doesn't move to comfort Helena just yet. "This isn't you, I know it's not." Myka's tone is fierce with surety and Helena wraps herself tighter to ward off the pull of it. "You are strong and brave and not nearly as helpless as you're trying to play."

"I'm not strong, I caved," HG cries. "I let myself be suffocated by a society I can't abide, I'm married to a man I don't love, and I'm living a life I can't stand."

"Do you think I'm handling things any better?" Myka tugs her hand through her curls again. "It _kills _me knowing you're in there with him and I-"

"Don't you know I'd rather be with you?" Helena interrupts with a shout of frustration. "That I lie awake, night after night inwardly screaming for your presence, every fiber in me longing for you and it's tearing me apart!" Her manner turns subdued, the fight leaving her drained. "Being here was supposed to relieve me of my farce of a life but I'm still a moth trapped in a jar that I can see through, but can't escape. You are the first breath of fresh air I've had and I can't let myself take it in. Don't you see, I'll take you and turn you to poison with my lungs. I already have done. I see the way the jealousy is eating at you and it'll turn you hard and bitter before long."

"You said it was worth it," Myka argues with her. "You said that night was worth a thousand unhappy days, what's changed?"

"Unhappy days for me, darling. And I'll live them willingly, but that isn't what I want for you-"

"Maybe you don't get to decide that." Myka silences the woman with her interruption. "I know my own mind, Helena. I know what I want, I know the cost and I'll pay it as many times as needed if it means having you with me as often as possible."

"I'm not worth it," HG argues softly and Myka huffs out a breath of disbelief before wrapping the small woman up in a tight embrace. The tender hold makes Helena tear up and she repeats her statement, shaking her head when Myka holds tight. "You'll see I can't be enough for you and you'll hate me for it."

Closing her eyes at the impassioned declarations Myka gives her a moment before speaking. "You forget that I know you. I see you and despite what you say I know that you are good and loving and kind." The woman in her arms releases a broken sob but she keeps talking. "I'm not going anywhere," she promises, "So get off your cross and just let me love you."

The words are pleading, but firmly spoken and Helena just stares at her for a long moment. Finally a watery chuckle escapes her and she nods before eyeing the woman narrowly. Brushing a hand across her face she attempts to compose herself, effort wasted when Myka brushes stray strands of hair behind her ears and she soaks up the touch greedily. "Don't say I didn't warn you," is all she manages after that and Myka merely shakes her head in response, pulling the woman's head to rest on her shoulder comfortingly.

They stay quiet like that for a long time, each one processing different words and emotions. Helena is the first to move, taking a small step back. Myka is suddenly looking at her like she's figured out the answer to a long suffering puzzle and HG furrows her brow. "What?" she finally asks, intrigued by the adoring quality on Myka's face.

"You said you love me," Myka says with an awed tone.

"You said it first," HG deflects instinctively. A crooked smile softens her stance and the playful tug on their tethered hands makes her chuckle. "It seems you introduced me to your place of endless wonder and within it I found the rarest of creatures. Something I wasn't sure could exist to the extent I hoped for, but it does and I found it in you. I love you, Myka Bering," she whispers and Myka beams with glistening eyes.

"I love you too," she murmurs and Pete would tease her mercilessly if he saw the way she melted into Helena when the woman presses their mouths together.

* * *

She's alone in the tent when HG enters so she sees her immediately from her vantage point atop the ladder of the trapeze. The woman walks to the base and looks up, since there's no show for hours the lights are off, making it dim with only the sunlight casting warm colors from the outside in. "What are you doing up there?" Helena questions, eyes not able to make out her lover's expression.

"Waiting for you," comes the easy reply and Helena rolls her eyes. She recognizes the playful tone Myka is using and is fairly sure no good will come of it.

Shaking her head she calls back, "You'll be waiting a long time if that's where you plan on staying."

Myka swivels herself around so she's lying down and only her face beams down at her in the dim light. "What? You scared?"

HG nods her head this time even though she's certain Myka can't make the motion out. "I see what you're trying to do and it won't work. I am not coming up there," she reiterates firmly. "Why don't you just come down here?"

"Too easy," Myka retorts then sighs as they fall into silence. After a long moment her face betrays her and she breaks into a smile, silently counting in her head. Her smile widens when she hears the noise of irritation from below and she holds a chuckle in.

"You're really going to make me come up there?" Hands on her hips HG is the picture of exasperation. "What if I fall?" The casual reply of, "You won't," has her rolling her eyes again, even as she chucks her shoes off, bare feet toeing the dirt. "I hate you," she calls out, pulling herself up onto the ladder. Disliking the nervous feeling in her stomach she climbs in defiance of it, resolutely looking only at the rungs in front of her.

"Yeah, yeah." Helena can make out Myka's smile now and she glares back to it which makes the woman laugh. "Stop whining, I know you're just dying to see what it looks like from up here."

She is not looking down. The first time her gaze strays from the ladder rungs she halts and grips the support tightly. Myka speaks softly now, only a few feet above her. "Look at me," she instructs, then repeats herself when Helena doesn't budge. Finally their eyes meet and she smiles reassuringly, holding out her hand. "You're so close, just a couple more steps up and I've got you."

Huffing out a loud breath HG grits her teeth and moves her hand up a rung, one foot following and then the other. A moment later Myka's firm grip encircles her wrist and as soon as she's pulled herself up onto the platform she meets Myka's grin with one of her own, her fear disappearing. "Hi," she says exuberantly and Myka laughs brightly.

"You did it," she announces proudly and tugs Helena close to her. The other woman hums in agreement and does a quick sweep of the tent, proud of herself when she sees the distance below.

Upon confirmation that they are still alone she looks back to Myka and smiles. "Hi," she repeats, almost a whisper this time then tilts her face up, making them both laugh when she nuzzles her nose to Myka's before kissing her softly. After a minute the tenderness of their embrace threatens to overwhelm her so she pulls her mouth away and buries her head in the crook of Myka's neck, placing soft kisses on the skin under her mouth. "I missed you," she says, her voice still a whisper and she feels an answering kiss placed on her temple. She lingers there another moment before pulling away and looking upwards, then stumbles back a step and gasps at seeing how close the roof of the tent is. Turning slowly she takes in a three sixty view of the large expanse, Myka's arms securely around her waist. "It's amazing," she breathes out, stunned eyes turning to the woman behind her who is looking at her with an expression she can't quite place. Her unasked question must have shown in her appearance because Myka blinks, shaking her head as an unsatisfactory answer.

Instead, the aerialist reaches to the side and pulls one of the metal trapeze bars off its resting station, her posture becoming challenging. "You want to come flying with me?" she asks the now wide eyed woman.

Stalling as best she can, Helena frowns and asks, "Getting me up here isn't enough for one day?" Beneath her question lies the much deeper fear that she won't be enough, or contradictorily that she has already become too much to the woman before her. That this beautiful woman will ruin herself for Helena who is not worth it, who can't be worth it, but she doesn't voice these thoughts, only smiles through them, willing herself to be just what Myka needs in this moment.

Ducking under Myka's arm she backs herself onto the swing, raising her eyebrows and grasping the lines on either side of her head daringly. The aerialist just shakes her head fondly before repositioning her more to one side and making sure her grip is tight.

"Ready?" Myka asks, checking the woman's expression after she hears her confirmation. Apparently satisfied her lips quirk upwards and she holds the bar with both hands next to where HG is sitting. Then she lifts her feet off the platform and they're swinging in a long arc towards the middle of the arena. Helena yelps but the noise quickly gives way to laughter as the momentum carries them back towards the platform. Myka works her weight to make their next swing bigger then lifts herself up to sit next to HG facing the opposite direction. The jostling makes HG hold tighter to her side of the line, but she's beaming as Myka meets her gaze. The swing continues slowly back and forth in arcs that become shorter each trip, the air whooshing around them the only noise as they stare at each other.

The seasoned trapeze artist breaks the silence and murmurs, "Hi," against Helena's lips before they're kissing, only their lips connecting them until they break apart then come together again and again.

Helena isn't sure how long it's been since the swing has stopped, suspending them in midair, but the next time they break for air she looks down then back to Myka quickly. "How are we," she trails off, noting the gleam in the woman's eyes and shakes her head. "No way." Myka just nods in affirmation and kisses her again.

Pulling back just far enough for their lips to keep touching Myka mumbles, "It's way better than trying to climb down the ladder, trust me."

"I do," Helena replies just as softly, their eyes meeting as unspoken meaning flies between them.

Her smile is gentle when she asks, "Ready?" and Helena nods though her hands tighten around the swing contradictorily. She watches Myka take one hand off the swing, bringing it up to brush a short piece of HG's hair back behind her ear. Then her eyes flutter shut as those fingers trail from her ear, down her neck, scratching over her pulse point before Myka is kissing her again. This time the kiss is slow and pulling and Helena barely has enough clarity to register Myka's hand covering her own on the line before it's loosened and they're falling. Instead of screaming she gasps and they hit the net faster than she would've thought. Before she can blink Myka's body is covering hers, mouth wet as it finds her own and she's pulling at her lips again, lazy and heated. Helena moans into the kiss, her body arching up even as she pulls Myka closer to her.

"Yeah, I'm not sure boss. I can't say I've seen your wife, Helena, at all today." The unnecessary volume of Pete's words would have been enough to part the couple, but the meaning behind them has them leaping apart in a blur. Helena's eyes are wide as she curses and wipes lipstick off Myka's face before running her hands shakily through her own hair in an attempt to straighten it out. They have mere seconds before Pete is walking hastily towards them, eyes so wide it would've been comical if not for the situation. "Fudge," he whispers loudly, using their long agreed upon code word for danger and motions behind him to where Nate has just entered the tent. Myka smoothes her hair back shakily and turns to reassure the woman next to her but she appears not to need the comfort.

"Darling," HG calls across the ring happily, climbing out of the net gracefully. She reaches his side and smiles winningly at him. "What are you doing here? Myka here was just showing me some of her gravity defying feats."

The man at her side lifts his eyebrows appraisingly. "Really? A private showing, hmm? How did you get so fortunate?" His niceties carry an oily tone and Myka sincerely hopes Pete has his maturity boots on today as several clever things she could say spring to her own mind. "Actually," Nate adds, "how did you get on that thing, surely you didn't climb all the way up there?"

"Heavens no," HG dismisses, hand waving to the net. "I pulled myself up onto it. It's very bouncy," she relates, smiling like she's let him in on a secret and hoping he doesn't ask for a demonstration for she is not sure she could actually do said movement.

Luckily he merely laughs and pulls her to him. "I'm sure it is." Walking them over to the net he runs his hands over it before musing, "Of course it doesn't allow for much risk, does it?" Everyone is silent and he misinterprets that for misunderstanding. "I mean, your flying tricks aren't so impressive when it doesn't really matter whether you fall or not, right?" He laughs like he's uncovered a great circus secret and Myka stares at him, trying to discern whether he suspects something or is really that much of an ass. "I mean, what's life without a little risk? And I've heard of some shows where these safety measures are done away with completely. Raises the stakes which raises the entertainment value, I believe."

He's met with silence again and when Pete sees the way Myka is staring daggers at him he laughs nervously. "Ha! Good one, sir. Not that an audience full of children wouldn't be a great demographic for an accidental death, but there are actually some pretty harsh laws involving safety regulations. Lame, I know, but that's the way it goes. Not that it wouldn't be fun," he adds unconvincingly.

HG laughs airily but her posture is tight. "He's only joking. Your act is perfect as it is and we wouldn't want anyone getting hurt, of course."

"Of course not," Nate demurs quickly, "It's just slightly less impressive, that's all." Myka visibly bristles and he can't help but track his gaze up her long legs before adding, "Think of all the added ticket sales with such a daring act on our roster."

"Think of all the bad publicity about a circus whose performers keep dying during shows," Myka voices coolly into the tense atmosphere. It's all she can do to not rip his arm away from where it's wrapped around Helena's shoulder and her hands are fisted with the effort.

The circus owner's face is thoughtful as he considers, but ultimately the potential dollar signs win over common sense. "Let's try it without them next show, just see how it goes. I have all the faith in the world it'll work out, besides you haven't fallen during a performance yet. It'll be great." His tone is excited despite the horrified look on everyone else's face. Without listening to another word he turns and beckons for Helena as he leaves the tent.

"He's bluffing," Helena says to the stunned performers, but she is pale as a sheet, dark eyes trained on Myka fearfully.

"He suspects," Myka intones darkly, "that's why he came looking for you here."

Dread trickles icily down her spine and Helena wraps her arms tightly against herself to ward it off. "I'll talk him out of it," she promises, but gets no response from either trapeze artist, especially Myka who is staring after Nate, challenge in every bit of her unyielding posture as if he's thrown down a gauntlet.

Helena redirects Myka's attention, stepping close to her and palming her face gently. "He doesn't know, he couldn't," she utters assuredly. "I'm going to go and talk some sense into him. I'm not letting you, either of you, go up there without that net," she says firmly with a glance to Pete. Eyeing the tall woman Helena sighs, Myka is still made of stone. When she turns to Pete he's seemingly finding the colored striped tent walls fascinating so she simply presses a soft kiss to Myka's temple and hurries off to find her husband.

The tent is quiet for a long time, both performers processing the last fifteen minutes. Finally Myka turns jerkily to meet her partner. "I'm so sorry," she says thickly. "I didn't want you dragged into this. Thanks for warning us he was coming, I owe you-" she breaks off as Pete just waves his hand and she opens her mouth to argue her point until he interrupts.

"I'm not worried, your girl seems like she's pretty persuasive." Having someone else refer to Helena as hers makes Myka's heart flutter and the ball of longing inside her grows. She nods though she still feels guilty and it takes a moment for his unusually serious question to penetrate her mind. "Are you sure you know what you're getting into?"

She almost laughs, like any of this had been approached with sense and reasoning. No, she doesn't know what she's doing. Yes, she's more certain about an affair she's having, with an enigmatic woman who causes her utter loss of control, than she has any right to be.

All of this is answered through her jumbled, "Yes…well no, but…" She shrugs and sighs and he thoughtfully holds back a chuckle at the rambling. The confidence he's used to seeing comes back to her stance when she finds her answer and with the words he knows his partner is a done deal, even if she is still unaware. "I know I can't stop this thing between us. Not even if I wanted to."

He nods in acceptance, "Then you have nothing to be sorry for." He can't seem to stop the next words out of his mouth, only half kidding when he says, "Although if you really want to make it up to me you could always let me know when you two plan on having a repeat performance of those net shenanigans that were going on earlier." He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and doesn't bother dodging the expected blow to his shoulder. She heads out of the tent and he jogs to catch up to her, flinging an arm around her shoulder. "Come on, it's the least you could do. Besides I hear that net is very bouncy."

* * *

It's late by the time Helena comes around, finding Myka and Claudia both loading up some gear into an already packed train car. Claudia not so much helping as hopping around gloating about how well the remote HG helped her with worked to dismantle the big tent. When the girl sees her nearing she runs up and relates her success, grinning widely and slapping her palm to HG's before leaving the two with a wink Myka is sure she doesn't want to interpret. She throws the last few things in the car, unsuccessfully avoiding looking at the woman next to her. Her head has been whirling all day, imagining each and every remote scenario it could come up with, leaving Myka utterly confident everything would work out and then in the next minute certain that it would all come to ruin.

With nothing left to pack she picks the last items off the ground and hands them to HG. "You left your shoes by the ladder in my tent." Helena takes them, all the while studying the woman before her with curious eyes. Finally coming to a decision she uses her free hand to snag Myka's fingers, pulling them around to the backside of the train.

"Stop thinking and just breathe, Myka," she instructs calmly, dropping her shoes and running her fingers over the soft skin at Myka's wrist soothingly. The woman looks at her defiantly until her skin registers HG's gentle administrations and she releases the day's tension with a large sigh. "That's better," Helena says and simply smiles at her until Myka can't help but match her expression with a laugh. She dimly registers the way she can be coaxed out of a bad mood with just one look from this woman and needily pulls Helena closer.

"He's agreed to keep the net," HG relates gladly. "I reminded him of the fines he'd incur if the authorities found out and that was enough to convince him." Her fingers play with the top of Myka's shirt, tickling the skin underneath with their movement.

"Sure, fines would be the worst," Myka agrees before adding, "you know, right above killing the aerialists." Helena's mouth twists at her words but Myka doesn't seem to notice. She's too focused on the way Helena's hair feels on her fingers as she coaxes it behind elegant shoulders, only to have it fall back in place framing sharp cheekbones again. "You really don't think he knows anything?" The question is voiced quietly; she's unsure now about how covert they've been. Claudia and Pete seemed to have caught on rather quickly, but they are her friends, maybe it wasn't so obvious to others.

Helena's hands move to scratch light patterns atop Myka's collarbone as she speaks. "Darling, if he had the slightest idea I'm sure he'd lock me up and throw away the key. Not that I'd need a key," she can't help adding cheekily. "Not to mention that agreeing to keep your safety net would be the last thing he'd do, so no I think our secret is safe."

Myka absorbs the information, coming to agree with HG's deductions. "How safe?" she asks thoughtfully after a moment and Helena's eyes narrow suspiciously at her change in tone.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," she murmurs in HG's ear and the woman fights to retain her senses, "It's a very long trip to the next city."

"Mmmm," Helena hums regretfully. "It certainly is. Speaking of, I'm loath to part from you, but the trains are packed and we'll be leaving shortly."

"Exactly. Which is why I asked just how safe you think we are?"The words are spoken between light kisses to the sensitive skin beneath her ear which is why it takes Helena a moment to understand what Myka is getting at.

"Oh," is all she manages at first, quickly trying to figure out a way to fulfill Myka's wish. "I don't know if," is all she has to say before she sees Myka steeling herself up and she kisses her hard to erase the stiff posture. "I'll try," is all the aerialist is left with when HG leaves, that and the infantile feeling of longing she's unable to shake.

The train is loaded, steam already pouring out of the engine, but Myka stands outside by the rear stairs. It's not until the wheels start to move on their tracks that she finally gives up and hops onboard. She feels like an idiot and bites her lip in frustration the whole way to her car.

As soon as she opens the door she stops in surprise, quickly ducking her head and letting a slow blooming smile take over her face. Helena is lounging on her bed in the glowing candlelit room, comfortably thumbing through a book while she waits.

When she sees Myka's surprise she just smirks. "You didn't really think I'd have such a hard time escaping, did you?" Her tone is wounded, but Myka only grins in response, quickly shutting the door behind her and locking it firmly.

"I should've known you'd be able to con your way here," Myka allows fondly and the other woman preens theatrically.

"I am all yours for the duration of this terribly lengthy journey, all thanks to my quick wit and silver tongue."

She's rolling her eyes even as she laughs, wiping the smug expression off Helena's face when she suddenly leaps onto the bed, toppling the surprised woman down in the process and kissing her solidly.

"Well, I suppose that answers the question of how we could pass the time," Helena quips as they stare at each other, lips a breath apart. And Myka kisses her again, effectively shutting her up for quite some time.

The steady movement of the train rocks them where they lay tangled together, languid in the afterglow of the last few hours.

Myka pulls her fingers through Helena's smooth hair, twisting silky strands around her fingertips before letting them fall and starting over. "Mmm, you're going to put me to sleep if you keep that up." Helena's words are a throaty purr from where her head lays on Myka's chest.

"So sleep. I like playing with your hair," Myka returns, tugging the section in her hand playfully.

"I don't want to waste any of my time with you by sleeping," she states indignantly and shifts pointedly in Myka's arms, drawing a theatrical sigh from the woman. HG just smiles up at her from her new position, turned more onto her stomach, chin resting atop her stacked arms over Myka's chest. When her attention is caught by a darkening bruise at the base of Myka's neck she thumbs over it gently, pressing a kiss there when Myka shivers at the motion. "I love you," she murmurs, words barely intelligible as they're pressed into soft skin but Myka hears them and thrills inwardly.

"Yeah?" she says softly and then clears her throat even as it tightens painfully. "Well good. I'd hate for this love affair to be one sided, not nearly as much fun-"

She's cut off by Helena's kiss but decides this disruption of her rambling is ok and smiles against the woman's mouth.

* * *

Their timing is off by a split second so that when Myka flips off her perch she misses Pete's hand and plunges, the audience crying out in collective alarm. They are easily set at ease when they see her standing in the middle of the net with her hands on her hips, looking up to Pete who's waving at her as he swings and the crowd laughs and applauds.

Helena draws in a sharp breath when she sees Myka miss her target, one hand gripping the bench underneath her tightly, the other coming to rest upon her collarbone. She relaxes with the next beat, Myka is already literally bouncing back but she still doesn't take her eyes off the woman.

Because of her focus she doesn't notice that her moment of panic has caught the attention of the man next to her, Nate turning his head at her worried gasp. He eyes her confusedly, following her line of sight to the still performing aerialist who is back to stunning the crowd. If Helena knew her husband was watching she would have schooled her expression, would have looked away from the gorgeous woman dressed today in shiny silk and green tulle. She would have responded to his quip about being faint hearted, when truthfully she hadn't even heard him speak at all. Instead she stayed blissfully captivated and ignorant of Nate's darkening countenance as Myka continued to fly high above.

Helena watches Myka depart from the tent after her act, silently cursing the fact that she was stuck for the duration of the other performances. She startles at Nate's hand on her arm, grip bruising as he yanks her up from her seat and out of the arena. As soon as they get to a secluded area he shoves her, making her stumble in surprise.

"They wanted your input on costume ideas, did they? Did you help her figure out how fast she could be stripped out of one? I bet you had a nice long chuckle over that clever ruse, you deceitful little whore."

Helena recoils at his angry words, but braces up fast. She had subconsciously known it would come to this and she refuses to back down now. Her mind is too busy trying to work out how he found out to answer him, but she quickly decides it doesn't matter and only just manages to hear his next sentence.

Nate rails on when she says nothing in her own defense. "I knew you had something of an infatuation towards her, but I told myself it was nothing. It's a shame I changed my mind about the nets, it would've been a truly fitting end for her in that performance today."

Her eyes narrow, but she shakes her head pityingly. "Don't kid yourself. Had you stuck to your guns they wouldn't have gone up and tonight's show would have been short a thirty minute act."

"And I would have fired them for it. Of course now they're fired regardless so I'm short an act anyway."

"I didn't expect you to be so petty," she lies. "Just because I've found someone I actually care about you're going to let the best act in the circus go, just like that."

"Surely you don't expect me to keep your little slut around. I'm not even sure I can keep you around, not after I've seen what you'll do for a long pair of legs in a shiny costume."

Black seeps into the corners of her vision and her voice turns steely. "You don't get to talk about her like that. Insult me all you like, but leave her out of this."

His eyebrows hike with incredulity. "Me leave her out of this? You and your whorish ways are what brought her into this, not me. As far as I'm concerned she'll be dropped from the train in the middle of nowhere and that'll be the end of it. And that's me being charitable."

She scoffs at the idea, but attacks his first statement instead. "You can make your way to every small town brothel you desire but I'm the whore. Charming, I wasn't aware of that double standard in our marriage." His palm flies fast at her face and the slap echoes loudly.

Helena holds a shocked hand to her face but stands tall. "Well you're certainly making a great case for yourself."

"Would it matter?" he questions and her silence is all the answer he needs. He's still feeling a little shocked at this turn of events. She'd never complained about his philandering before, maybe this was just something she needed to get out of her system. He attempts to talk some sense into her. "Come on now, HG. We've had an easy arrangement going this long, don't tell me you want to give everything up now for a pretty face who'll drop you as soon as I mention selling and dismantling her precious circus."

"Not everyone approaches their life as a business deal," she spits out and ignores his exclamation at her next words. "She loves me and it doesn't matter what you do now, if you fire her I'll leave too. Either way I'm not going to be your wife of convenience any longer, it's over."

Something in her last sentence flips a switch and he grabs her arm, roughly pulling her along with him. Helena struggles futilely the entire way, growling with rage when he deposits her inside their train car. "It's over when I say so, I sincerely hope a night to yourself will clear your head."

She can scarcely believe that he is failing to understand the situation and tries to get through to him again. "It doesn't matter how many nights I spend here, with or without you. I love Myka and I'll never belong to you the way I do to her. You're crazy if you think I'm going to back down quietly, why don't you just let me go and we'll figure something out like rational people?" While she talks she notices him pocketing the door key but wisely says nothing about it. "I don't want the money or the deeds to anything. I'll just go quietly, painlessly."

He shakes his head and moves for the door. "You can wipe that look off your face. I'm well aware that you can break out of here without a key, but I assure you I'll have my men watching your aerialist all night, along with anyone else in her company so it would be a useless endeavor, my dear."

This finally brings a worried expression to her face and his eyes gleam when he sees it. Her appearance toughens and she spits out, "One of them so much as touches her and I swear I'll kill them." Something in his countenance changes at the ferocity in her voice while he stands in the doorway. She doesn't understand the look he's giving her, but it's forgotten when he speaks again.

"If you know what's good for you, your attitude will be better in the morning." He leaves the room then, locking the door behind him with a muffled promise that they will speak in the morning.

The fury at her helplessness has her shaking enough that she has to sit down, the desire to pick the lock and warn Myka making her twitch with its pull. She knows Nate will make good on his promise to have them watched though, and it is this thought that keeps her in the car, though it doesn't stop her from smashing a vase angrily against the door.

It's early the next morning when the door to the car opens and Helena, feeling and resembling something like a caged wild animal, looks up crossly when Nate enters. He looks down when his shoes crunch on the broken glass. "Am I correct in assuming a night alone did nothing to change your feelings?" The woman merely glares at him and he shakes his head in response. "That's unfortunate."

"So you're just going to keep me locked up, is that the plan? Or maybe send me back to London in defeat, hmm?" Her tone is scathing but it doesn't wipe the satisfied look off Nate's face so she adds fervently, "I told you before, I don't care what you do to me. I love her and there's nothing you can do that will change that." A look of confusion slips onto her face as her husband's smugness only seems to grow at her words.

"It's endearing the way you are so unafraid of what I will do to _you_." He smirks and she stands still as the implication of his words settles then she's off like a shot, pushing past him and sprinting to the tallest tent of the circus, the one that is now enveloped in billowing smoke.


	3. Chapter 3

There's a growing crowd of anxious circus folk outside the tent that's going up in flames, but Helena pays no attention, skirting through them and rushing to the entrance. Two large men stand in her way and she growls. "Let me through." One of them only smirks in response and her blood goes cold when she realizes they work for her husband and why exactly they aren't letting anyone near the tent. "Let me in," her voice turns frantic and when they still don't budge she lunges at them, kicking and clawing in a frenzied attempt to get inside. They manage to pitch her aside and it is Artie's bewildered reassurances that no one is inside and that Myka is probably still sleeping that halts her second go at the burly men. She shakes her head urgently at him, but is already scanning the pack of onlookers for help, knowing her words aren't going to be enough for anyone but…

"Pete!" Helena shrieks when she sees him a ways off and he starts to run at the panic in her voice. "Myka," is all she says when he gets closer and his sudden understanding of the men barring the entrance has him all but roaring with rage. He throws himself at them even though he cannot hope to possibly overtake them both, however his efforts give Helena the opportunity she needs and she slips around the scuffle.

Inside her eyes start tearing immediately and she pulls her shirt up to her mouth in a futile effort to keep the smoke at bay. "Myka!" she calls desperately, coughing up a lung full of smoke for the effort. Nothing can be heard in response over the roar of the flames but she listens anyway, moving in further and calling as she goes.

Outside the tent Steve has joined Pete in the brawl and consequently neither register Nate's appearance until he's shouting at the horde.

"Where is my wife?"

One of his men shouts back as he aims a blow at Pete, "Crazy bitch ran inside, we stopped her before these two got involved!"

Nate's jaw clenches with disbelief and his anger propels him inside the tent before he stops to think about it. "Helena!" he calls furiously. "Get back here now!"

The vague shape of the high trapeze ladder has her stumbling for it, eyes streaming as the smoke gets thicker. She searches blearily, no longer calling out since she first heard Nate's angry tones somewhere in the din. The second she's made it to the ladder she freezes, the solid form lying still on the ground making her body seize with terror. HG doesn't know how long she's inanimate or what prompts her to move once more, but in the next moment she's hitting the ground next to Myka, trembling fingers searching for a pulse.

Her sigh of relief when she feels the steady beat comes out as a cough and she suffers through a fit of choking before she can shake the woman lightly. "Myka," she rasps, her hands feeling the aerialist's body for any sign of injury. There's a significant bump under her palm when she strokes Myka's hair back and she closes her eyes against the panic that wells up inside her. "Come on, Myka. Let me see those pretty green eyes. Myka, _please_," she tries again, but the woman remains still and unresponsive.

She hears her name closer now, the roar of Nate's voice overcoming the furious fire and she shrinks back, eyes searching uselessly for a place to hide herself and the unconscious woman next to her. There is, of course, nowhere to go and the smoke is black and thick around them now. Her eyes and lungs are burning and she's gasping for air, but she cannot, will not, leave Myka. Instead she curls into the prone woman, burying her nose in the sweet skin of Myka's neck and waits for the smoke to overcome them.

The hand on her shoulder makes her jerk upright with a gasp, which inevitably sets off a choking fit. Pete puts a finger to his mouth and she nods, pulling her shirt over her mouth once more. The man picks up his partner effortlessly and HG digs her fingers into his shirt as they move silently towards the exit.

Helena is unsure of how Pete manages to lead them outside so easily, but soon enough she is blinking into sunlight and retching as she tries to pull fresh air into her damaged lungs. Claudia is kneeling beside them in a heartbeat, offering her a ladleful of water from the bucket she's snagged from the dousing efforts. HG won't let go of Myka's hand to take it, can't bring herself to look anywhere else. When Pete throws the water over his partner's face she blinks in surprise then her throat constricts with emotion when green eyes finally open.

Myka comes to sputtering, then coughing spastically as her throat scorches with a dry burn. Helena slips behind her, holding her tightly in her lap and Pete dips the spoon back in the pail, handing Myka as many spoonfuls of water she wordlessly asks for. Finally she drops exhaustedly into the form behind her, looking up at Helena's ash covered face concernedly. "What happened?" she asks, and everyone winces at the way her voice rasps. Tender fingers caress her face but the woman holding her can't speak, her throat still tight with worry so she just shakes her head. Myka holds her gaze but finally turns to Pete for the explanation and he just shrugs.

"You tell us, partner. All I know is the tent was on fire and HG somehow knew you were inside. I found you both by the trapeze ladder and got you out." He and Helena share a glance, both looking back at the blaze, but HG quickly turns her attention back to the woman in her lap.

"I don't know," Myka whispers and her voice is rough like the grind of a rusty machine.

"Shh, darling don't try and talk too much," Helena implores, but Pete hands her another sip of water which helps.

"I'm assuming he found out?" Her eyes seek out HG who nods in dismal affirmation. "I was up there practicing when his men came in and set the net on fire, then torched the walls." She coughs spastically before continuing. "They probably thought the smoke would get to me, but I managed to climb most of the way down before I slipped and fell." Helena winces and lightly touches the bump concealed by curls. "Must've hit my head," the injured woman surmises and Pete tuts.

"Hell of a time to lose your balance, Bering." The tension in his frame betrays his light tone, but she glosses over it mercifully and smiles wickedly back at him.

"Next time homicidal maniacs trap me in a burning circus tent I'll be sure to be more careful."

"That's all I ask," he returns and they sport matching grins. HG notes the way Claudia is able to finally relax at the sound of the familiar banter, everything right in her world once more. However, her own body seems unwilling to follow suit just yet, comforted only by the solid feel of Myka in her arms.

A loud roar sounds when one side of the tent finally gives in to the flames, falling away completely. Pete jumps up and heads for the fire, getting the go ahead with one nod from Myka. Claudia follows, running towards Artie and Steve who are joining an assembly line of water pails. Myka tries to get up, but Helena's grip on her doesn't allow it.

"Don't even think about it," she murmurs without even looking down at her. Myka frowns, but when Helena turns her head she sees the thinly veiled alarm that still lingers on her features and her protestations cease.

Myka's soft breaths hit her neck and Helena lets them ground her. She knows Nate is still in the burning tent, but that there's no way he'd have been able to survive the smoke for this long either. She eyes the torched remains and tries not to question whether or not she'd try for a rescue even if there was a chance he had survived. "Claudia," HG calls as loudly as she can manage, but the girl still has difficulty hearing her over the firefighting efforts. "The remote," she finally manages to mime more than actually say and she knows the moment the girl understands when she sees the dawning look on her face.

Claudia runs over to Pete and shows him the device she's pulled from her pocket. She's gesturing wildly now to the people around them and everyone stands back, water buckets ready as she presses the button.

Myka watches from her safe position next to Helena. Her once tall tent is already half gone but collapses disjointedly at the command of Claudia's remote. Hot dusty air blows at them when the tent falls and Helena presses Myka's head into her shoulder, ducking her own into smoky curls. When they look back up everyone with access to water is dousing the still flaming fabric, making good headway now that they can reach all of the flames. The smoke becomes thicker as the fire dies out, embers still crackling and spitting sparks, but the majority of the blaze has died down.

"Come love, your lungs don't need any more smoke damage. You will be sounding like a saloon singer for weeks as it is." Helena's tone is light, but her face is sober so Myka complies without argument, letting Helena help her to her feet.

They quickly find their way to Myka's room and Helena starts bustling about erratically. "You need a bath and a fresh set of clothes and a good doctor as soon as we can get one in from town and-"

"I need you," Myka interrupts firmly, raising her brows pointedly and HG stops moving. She waits a beat then moves to her quietly. "What happened?"

Helena's jaw is tight and her breathing is measured so that the unsteady air she can feel building in her throat doesn't release as a sob. "He found out. Ranted and raved before locking me in our room last night." Something dark flashes in Myka's eyes but she lets her continue without interruption. "His initial plan was to send me back to England and throw you off the train, penniless and alone."

Fingers trace the contours of Helena's face. "I'd have found you eventually," she states confidently and Helena smiles, albeit a little unsteadily.

"I've no doubt." Myka's hand drops from her face to tangle their fingers together. "Somewhere in the night it escalated to killing you." Her voice finally breaks as her eyes rake over the woman's disheveled state, take in the dirt and ash in her hair before moving to the bump on her head. "I almost lost you," she whispers shakily.

"I'm alright," Myka assures her, trying unsuccessfully to make Helena meet her eyes.

"I saw you lying there and I thought…" Helena trails off as her eyes water. She's rapidly losing her battle with control as evidenced by the way her body starts to tremble.

"I'm fine," Myka reassures again.

"You very nearly weren't." The words are sharp between them and Myka acknowledges the reaction without responding verbally, only using her grip on Helena's hand to tug her into a tight embrace, holding her there until she feels the tremors ease and the woman relax.

She feels the same strangling emotion warring within her as she imagines how she'd have felt were their positions reversed. "Pete said he found us both in there, what were you doing?"

"I couldn't wake you," Helena murmurs into her neck, almost defensively. "And I couldn't leave you."

The weight of her words makes Myka's pulse stutter and her breathing is so loud in her ears it could drown out a symphony. "You shouldn't have gone in there at all," she reproves gently. "But I understand the sentiment more than I can say." She nudges the woman in her arms, trying to figure out how to say I love you, I can't lose you and don't ever die for me, or ever for that matter. Dark eyes lift to meet hers unrepentantly though so she doesn't say anything.

Helena seems to understand her meaning anyway. Their locked gaze does the talking for them now, each understanding that the depth of their feelings for each other is returned full force.

"That simple, huh?" Myka whispers quietly.

"Yes," is the firm answer given, but now Helena is smiling and tracing her finger over an ash smudged cheekbone. "Do me one favor though and make sure that next time we are in a life or death situation I can see these lovely green eyes of yours, hmm?" Said eyes crinkle at the corners when Myka wrinkles her nose, but HG is not dissuaded. "They have such a divine affect on me you see."

The tall woman allows, "Well, you did walk through fire for me, I suppose it's the least I could do. But why don't we try and stay out of these types of situations in the future, just for fun." She smiles when HG shrugs with feigned indifference. Her next thought has her cursing herself, not wanting to break the much needed lightheartedness but needing an answer to her unwanted question. "What are we going to do now? I mean your husband isn't going to…"

She's cut off by the shake of Helena's head and her questioning eyes widen with shock when the woman states, "He's dead." Myka can do no more than lift her eyebrows, wordlessly asking for the explanation. "He followed me in when I went to find you and didn't come back out. I imagine the smoke got to him before the flames, though I'm not certain. Either way, his actions are of little consequence now."

"He's dead?" Myka repeats in disbelief, feeling more than a little guilt at the relief she feels with the idea.

Helena nods before stating darkly, "And I would kill him were it not the case. What he did to you…" she stops speaking as the anger tears through her and it's only Myka's reassuring touch that pulls the world back into focus.

Myka watches the anger take hold until it dissipates like a receding wave when she takes Helena's hand and pulls it over her heart, letting the beating rhythm say everything she can't. "Myka," the woman whispers brokenly as she steps closer and curls her fingers against the steady heartbeat.

They stay in the embrace a long time, neither willing to let go just yet. When the door opens both women look up to see Pete standing there still covered in black soot. "Hey," he says quietly and they take a step apart as Myka offers up a half smile. He returns it, but it's not enough to mask the worry on his face and he speaks quickly to answer their unspoken question. "We got the fire completely out," he states then hesitates and looks at HG before continuing. "But there was no sign of any bodies." Helena rears back in shock, her mind automatically running through any scenario it can that would have allowed Nate to survive unnoticed.

"I talked to Artie and asked Steve and Claudia if they saw him come out before us." He says before they can ask and shrugs at their confusion. "No one remembers seeing him and there was no sign of him going back to your room so I have no idea where he could be." Helena exhales sharply almost in a laugh, the information too overwhelming to process and Pete gives a grim smile in commiseration.

Myka watches the concern give way to unveiled alarm across Helena's face so she is already shaking her head when the woman turns to her resolutely.

"Right," She states firmly. "We need to get you out of here."

"No way," Myka argues just as decisively. "I'm not going anywhere." She can see the torment in Helena's eyes, the need for her safety overriding everything else and hurries to reassure her.

"First of all this is my home, besides the fact I don't have anywhere else to go." She already knows HG is going to argue that she could stay here, in whatever town they are on the fringe of, until the danger is over so she continues. "There's no way I'm going to stay behind in some random tiny town to wait it out while you all try to track him down. I'm not leaving the circus and I'm sure as hell not leaving you."

The thought of Myka being anywhere that wasn't within one hundred yards of him makes Pete's stomach turn and not in a good way. "We will have everyone on the lookout for him," he speaks up to Myka's defense and she looks at him gratefully. "He won't be able to sneak around these grounds without someone noticing."

HG shakes her head harshly. "It's too risky."

"So is leaving her in town or anywhere else," he argues back.

"You could stay with her. I'll be able to track him down and,"

"No!" Myka's tone is severe and leaves no room for argument. "I'm staying here and if he must be found then no one is going out on their own to do it. We search together, though it begs the question of what we'll do if and when we catch him."

The silence stretches gravely and Myka scoffs skeptically. "So you find him and then what? We kill him?"

Pete and HG share a grim look and Myka's eyes widen. "I was kidding."

The woman before her hardens, "I wasn't exaggerating when I said what I would do had the flames not gotten to him," and Myka stares at her with uneasy comprehension.

"He crossed the line first," Pete finally allows, his tone much too serious and Myka's eyebrows hike even higher.

"That's what you're going with? He started it?" One look at their faces tells her the attempt to bring them both to their senses didn't work.

After a long beat Helena sighs loudly. "He's not just going to walk away now, Myka. He's already made a target of you and I won't allow him to-"

"To what? To live?!" Myka's eyes are wide, her incredulous tone almost comical but her eyes scan Helena's features over and over, searching for some crack that betrays her stance. Not finding one, she turns to her partner, the man who always listens to her when it really comes down to it, but his face is locked with determination and she stalks to the other side of the car with a helpless noise of frustration.

Part of Helena wants only to ease Myka's aggravation but the image of the aerialist lying motionless inside the burning tent flashes in her mind and she knows it will be impossible to simply let this go. Nothing will ever come so close to hurting Myka again, so long as she has a say. She spares a glance to the person whose thoughts are surely similar to her own. "He's a patient man; more conniving than confrontational. He'll wait for the right moment."

Pete nods, taking the information in. "Then we make sure we're ready, whenever that is."

Myka's voice is sharp and neither of them has seen her vibrating with such strain before. "I won't let you become killers for me."

The returning sentiment is just as sharp when Helena stalks into her space. "And I won't allow a man who has you in his sights to simply exist unhindered."

"Okay," Pete says slowly, trying to diffuse the two stubborn women. "How about we table this discussion after a solid sleep? It's been a long day." Neither look at him and he's fairly sure he could leave the room unnoticed, but there was another reason he'd come to seek them out originally. Finally garnering HG's attention he tells her, "The local police want to talk to you. The fire attracted a lot of attention and did some damage to the grounds. With Nate nowhere to be found, they'll need a statement from you as proxy."

Just like that Myka's heated posture is doused and she looks at the woman in front of her with a worried brow. She can see the slighter parts of reality settling in, that for all intent and purposes Nate is gone and they now has a whole new set of troubles to deal with.

"C'mon," she beckons the deflated woman to her, "let's go sort this stuff out and then we can-"

She stops speaking at the negative response from Pete and simply raises an eyebrow in question. "Mykes, you should probably stay here, just in case," he says when she moves to lead them outside. He braces for the inevitable argument he can see coming from her stance, but Helena merely looks to her and voices her agreement and she sets her jaw unhappily.

Knowing protestations due to her safety won't be received well Helena tries another approach. "Darling, you look like you went ten rounds with a bonfire. I don't want them asking any questions about you. Though," she backtracks, "I don't want you left alone either."

"Already on top of it," Pete interjects. "Steve is out there with Jondy. Your husband may be half crazed and have some beefed up henchmen but I doubt any of them will be able to get past four hundred pounds of tiger."

Helena relaxes and Myka nods her understanding, but frowns slightly when Helena adds, "I want you in a hot bath immediately and if I'm going to town I am bringing back a doctor to take a look at you."

Now the aerialist opens her mouth to voice her opinion, but Helena merely steps into her and kisses her instead, effectively silencing her unspoken protestations. "No argument, I'm bringing a doctor back and he can either examine you in your current half burnt up state or after a nice cleansing bath. It's up to you." She places another kiss to frowning lips as an apology then she's out the door without waiting for Pete who looks at his partner quickly.

"You going to be okay?"

She smiles unconvincingly in response, nodding with more certainty while pushing him after HG. "Yes, but if I'm not allowed to go out there will you please go back her up for me?" He's already nodding and dodging her insistent hands while simultaneously trying to step around the big cat, but she grips his arm tightly before he can escape entirely. "Don't let her out of your sight for a second," she implores, eyes wide and serious and he confirms his understanding with a tight squeeze to her hand before leaving to chase HG down.

Steve looks at her with empathy and she sighs, the increasing exhaustion suddenly weighing her down. "If you need anything you know where to find us," he offers and she smiles like everything is more okay than it is.

"Right back at you," she says tiredly, then shuts herself in her room and she gathers what she'll need for her bath, hoping the steam and hot water will soothe all her aches away.

* * *

Sticking to her word, Helena had brought back the town's doctor, who proceeded to examine an increasingly grumpy Myka until he confirmed she would be fine. The bump on her head was his only spot of concern but Myka stubbornly refused his offer of overnight hospitalization on the promise she would come for a follow up before they left town. The fact that Helena had no intention of being out of Myka's presence for the duration seemed to pacify him enough to leave her in her care.

Helena left to walk the doctor back, the man practically plastering himself to the far side of the hall from the sprawled out tiger and Steve who merely looked after them bemusedly. When she returns she speaks a few words to him and nods her thanks to his easy agreement. Giving his companion an affectionate ear rub she then shuts herself back in Myka's room, locking the door so hard the deadbolt practically rattles in place.

The room's other occupant lifts her gaze, concern radiating from it but she doesn't speak a word. The bath had done much to alleviate her soreness but left her feeling drained and coupled with the day's events she is certain her bed has never sounded better. She tracks the woman who is divesting herself of the smoke damaged clothing she hadn't yet taken off, changing into an oversized shirt of Myka's. Normally the sight would have instilled desirable feelings in the aerialist but for the moment all she can think is how unsteady HG seems and it makes her mood match the somber vibes already threading between them.

Helena finally speaks, clearing her throat and the noise seems to echo in the small space. "Steve agreed to keep watch tonight; no one will be getting in without making a ruckus and probably losing a limb."

The corner of Myka's mouth lifts a little but she merely nods while turning down the bed, hoping the subtle action will prompt Helena towards relaxation sooner rather than later.

"Pete put together a group of people he deemed trustworthy and they are searching the grounds now." Her voice is quiet and somewhat defeated and it makes Myka's stomach clench. "I wanted to help, but Pete insisted I come back here. I suppose if they find anything we'll hear of it straight away regardless so…" she drops her shoulders wearily.

"So now it's time for bed," Myka finishes for her, trying to ignore the fact that Pete had to make her come back to her, and tugs the woman down beneath the cool comforter. Helena's easy compliance loosens the strings around her ribs enough so that when the woman settles in and pulls her close she sighs contentedly, then wrinkles her nose. HG had changed her clothing but didn't want to leave Myka alone long enough to bathe so she still smells like smoke. "Just go take a bath," she supplies wearily. "I know you want to. Besides you smell like an ashtray and I want you to smell like you."

Despite herself Helena smiles, Myka's logic presented itself adorably when she was this tired. "I'm not leaving this bed for at least ten hours and besides you'd have to come with me. The doctor was very insistent that you take it easy and that I also not leave you unattended so you're just going to have to deal with it." She ends with a light kiss to Myka's temple who gives her a long suffering sigh then moves herself more firmly into Helena, nosing her neck where she is most likely imagining the smell of her perfume.

The two are silent for awhile and Helena is sure the steady breaths hitting her neck mean Myka has fallen asleep. Finally she allows herself a moments breath, the tumult of the last twenty four hours catching up to her in this quiet space. The overwhelming guilt that has been threatening her ever since she'd understood that Myka could have died today threatens to topple her again and she closes her eyes against its weight.

Her mind hasn't stopped it's furious whirling since she found out her husband was still at large, taking her around and through a dozen different scenarios. She wants to run; with Myka, away from Myka. She wants to stay, to fight, to kill, anything to keep this vision of a future that had made her dream like she hadn't bothered to for so long.

Myka shifts against her and her train of thought automatically derails to the woman in her arms, eyes tracking across pale skin and dark curls before watching the rise and fall of her chest, feeling the simultaneous breaths hitting her neck. And all her plans fall apart. The wave of guilt crests again, for wanting to stay, for the thought of leaving at all.

She shifts minutely so that she can skim her fingertip down Myka's face, tucking curls back and lightly tracing her jawline. Her eyes follow the movement, utterly entranced by the sleeping woman's peaceful features, but not wanting her to wake up. She tenses when Myka's breathing changes slightly and then the woman kisses the finger that's stopped moving around the vicinity of her mouth.

"I love you too," Myka whispers, pulling HG's hand into hers and tucking them both on the woman's chest. Helena smiles, though she is not so easily deterred from her musings, but soon submits to Myka's unspoken request that she sleep, finding it comes easier with the woman wrapped up with her, their fingers still tangled together.

* * *

They stayed put for over three weeks before pulling up stakes and heading to a different town than originally planned, it took that long to get new materials for the destroyed tent anyway. During that time the entire circus grounds were checked from top to bottom, every train car emptied and repacked, and Myka's car locks were changed as a precaution. She hadn't been left alone for a moment in that time, much to her irritation. She understood everyone's concern, felt it for Helena to the same extent, so she tried not to let her frustration show too much but it was starting to really grate on her and she only hoped that with the new location everyone would ease up a little.

The one person she couldn't bring herself to be upset with was Helena, who had moved herself into Myka's car after that first night and never left, much to Myka's delight. Her lover was understandably militant when it came to her safety, always ensuring Pete or Steve would be with her when something required her attentions elsewhere. She had gone out and helped the gang search every day, trying her best to put her knowledge of the wanted man to use but each time they came up empty she became more agitated. As the second week went by, Myka had tried to keep her calm and happy and to an extent the tension eased from her shoulders, though Myka was able to see the protective vigilance that still radiated from the uneasy woman.

Conflict still swirled about her, but the episodes of almost distantness were less frequent and Myka was almost always able to pull her out and back to her now. She knew it would be asking too much for Helena to be completely relaxed with Nate's whereabouts still a mystery so she didn't press, only hoped time would be enough to erase the on edge demeanor the woman couldn't seem to shake.

She also was not above using their alone time to her advantage whenever Helena would let her get away with it.

"You…have… practice." The words are pushed out in broken gasps, half swallowed by Myka's lips as they press hard against her own. The inventor's head tips up and she breathes raggedly as open mouthed kisses are pressed to her neck and collarbone, Myka's tongue tasting her skin along the way.

"Don't care," is all Myka mumbles before latching onto her pulse point and sucking hard. The small whimper she hears makes her smile and she repeats the action, only to have Helena push at her shoulders firmly a moment later.

Both women are breathing heavily and Myka is torn between complying with HG's request for space and her own need to have the woman close. The conflict shifts in her favor and she steps forward, but Helena holds her hand out warningly.

"No time," she explains and forces herself not to smile at the uncommon whine her words elicit. "You need to get to practice and I have some paperwork waiting for me in town."

"You're taking someone with you." The tone makes it clear it is not a question and Helena nods.

"Yes, Steve agreed to be my chaperone. We shouldn't be too long." She's turned towards the mirror, refastening the buttons of her shirt and running fingers through her mussed hair as she speaks so it's not completely obvious that she can't meet Myka's gaze.

The aerialist sighs internally, her want for Helena making the notion of practice dismal at best but it's clear the other woman has other things on her mind. She pulls her hair back, nudging HG playfully out of her way in front of the mirror, kisses her solidly to remind her where her thoughts still lie, and makes her way to practice, hurrying a little so she won't have to hear Pete's comments about her tardiness all day.

As soon as she's gone Helena leans against the bureau heavily, guilt and turmoil pulling at her weightily. She'd almost given in to Myka's insistent caresses, wanting just one last time with her, but that thought had plagued her to the point that she couldn't bear it any longer so she'd pushed away. Straightening up she refuses to give in to the tempting desire that pulls at her want to stay and instead packs her small bag of belongings quickly, knowing she's lingered too long already.

* * *

She stands there in front of the train station, staring at the ticket counter. There aren't many destination options from the small town, but there is a train leaving soon that could have her far enough away before anyone noticed, before…Myka found her gone. Nausea rolls through her stomach at the thought but she breathes through it. She is doing this for Myka, she reminds herself.

So lost in her inner conflict she doesn't notice the stout man until he speaks gruffly beside her.

"Going somewhere?"

She jumps then closes her eyes in disappointment, mourning the loss of her lead time.

"That one leaving earliest would be a good bet, though the city would be the easier place to lose yourself." Artie's tone is conversational, and although she knows there is nothing casual about it she nods like she's deep in thought over the decision.

They remain silent, both feeling the moment out until he speaks again. "What are you doing?" It's a simple question, but she feels its weight and offers up the only answer she has.

"Keeping her safe."

He snorts and she jerks to glare at the dismissal.

"Keeping yourself safe, you mean."

She starts to argue, but he won't even hear her out. "I'm not going to pretend to be your biggest fan," he looks at her sideways when she snorts irreverently. "But even I noticed her connection to you fairly early on. I must admit I wasn't exactly thrilled." She doesn't look at him but her lips press together in a firm line. "I've seen your type before."

The train beside them is rumbling, steam beginning to pour from it as passengers begin boarding. Helena spares a glance to it, but Artie keeps talking like he doesn't notice, a touch of guilt added to his tone.

"Then the day of the fire. I saw how desperate you were to get to her, even when I was sure she wasn't inside."

Helena's mind flashes back to that moment of panic and she finally speaks, her voice hard. "She could have died because of me. Because I married a psychopath and did nothing but pursue her anyway, she almost lost her life."

"The two of you have been playing with fire since the day you met. It was bound to catch up to you eventually, but you both came through it. Stronger for it, maybe."

"She deserves better," she says resolutely and he nods thoughtfully.

"Maybe. Though I think she would be hard pressed to find someone who loves her enough to lead a lonely farce of a life, in the name of keeping her safe."

She swallows hard but says nothing.

"Of course it's a two part act," he continues unrepentantly. "Your leaving will also serve to protect the remaining barrier you've kept around yourself." At that she clenches her jaw and turns away, taking long strides towards the loaded train.

"It doesn't come down to you loving her," he calls out and she stills, rigidly waiting for the rest. "It's about her loving you. And you leaving isn't going to change that, it will only crush the one person you're trying to protect." The woman flinches as he continues, coming up behind her and speaking quietly. "She's going to love you for the rest of her days, whether you're around for them or not. So the real question is, are you brave enough to stick around for that?"

Everything about her posture screams defiance and her dark eyes glisten and shift away. "Be brave enough to let her love you," he says before turning to leave her with her thoughts and the noise of the loaded train.

* * *

Myka pauses mid step when she walks into their room, eyes lighting on Helena as she steps fully into the space.

"Hello darling, how was practice?" HG looks over and smiles when she sees Myka enter.

Myka shrugs stiffly. "We're a little rusty. Pete is still insisting the new setup is at least a foot higher than it used to be, which is why he keeps misjudging the distance." Helena chuckles and Myka gravitates towards her like she can't help herself. "Claudia started a drinking game for how many times he or I fell because of it. When I left her and Pete were all up in arms though I'm pretty sure it will end with both of them bouncing around on the net like usual."

Helena smiles at the clear picture in her mind, "An eventful time, then."

The tall woman nods absently, her attention caught by something else. "What about you," she finally asks intently, eyes leaving the floor to search her face questioningly. "Did you find what you needed in town?"

Her mouth opens, ready to assert affirmatively but when she sees the emotion on Myka's face she stops. Her mouth opens again, but nothing comes out, despite all the words she has to say. In desperation she ends up nodding her head jerkily, the world blurring a little from the moisture in her eyes. She blinks it away, holds knowing green eyes steadily and finally, resolutely says, "Yes."

Helena's eyes have always had the ability to make her feel like the woman is looking inside her instead of at her. Sometimes even still she has to look away from their intensity, too afraid of what Helena may be seeing, but in this moment Myka is the one needing to hold them, needing to see, not just hear, what Helena is saying.

Whatever she's able to ascertain finally satisfies her and she shakily lets out the breath she'd been holding. "Good." She tries for a reassuring smile but saying something had been a little more effort than her shaky countenance could handle and she turns away, pulling air in as steadily as she can.

She knows she's not fooling Helena with her sudden need to reorganize the books on their shelf, but she's still surprised when tender hands find her own, tugging her swiftly back around and into a kiss that steals all coherency.

Helena's kisses will never fail to leave her breathless and tingling, but the way the woman's lips are pressing to hers, pulling, pushing, promising, makes Myka feel paradoxically weak and strong. She's helpless to do anything but reciprocate as best she can, moving fully into the secure embrace in a way that makes Helena moan.

It's not until Helena's thumb caresses her cheek and wipes away a runaway tear does she pull her mouth away breathing harshly, her gaze landing once again on the misplaced travel bag on the floor. It takes the smaller woman a second to realize what's caught her attention and when she does her eyes are full of regret, waiting for Myka's questions, her accusations. What she gets instead is the breath knocked out of her as Myka turns them and propels her into the bookshelf, both hands holding her in place as their mouths fuse together again.

Clothes are stripped off and kicked away, the process more difficult since neither is willing to stop touching the other long enough to aid the process. They make it to the bed eventually, Helena suppliant underneath a lithe body, allowing Myka the control she desperately needs before she flips their positions, looking down at her disheveled lover for a long moment before moving down to speak promises into her skin and write apologies with her tongue.

Even after Myka has screamed herself hoarse with pleasure she keeps up her mantra, feeling unsatisfied until she has pressed kisses onto every inch of Myka's body, has felt the woman's body arc and stretch itself taut over and over again. Not until she hears her name whispered softly in the now dark room does she pause and move upwards, taking her still trembling lover into her arms.

"Don't you ever," is all Myka pleads and Helena holds her tighter, reassuring her with the truth she now knows is an irrevocable part of her.

"I won't."

* * *

A month later finds the circus in a calmer state. There has been no sign of Nate, though a couple false alarms had been enough to test Helena's sanity altogether. She still found herself hard pressed to be away from Myka, her beautiful Myka who understood everything so easily. It hadn't taken long for them to settle into a routine, generally only parted when Helena was needed for circus business or when Pete (with Myka's rueful insistence) literally pushed HG out of their practices with multiple oaths to keep his eye on her.

Cozy evenings and more often than not, long pleasure filled nights, were always theirs alone though; usually tucked away in their car where tentatively shared thoughts and feelings could be shared privately and where their dalliances wouldn't be interrupted by an ill-timed passerby.

The tight knit group of friends continued to be just that and they were now gathered together by HG's insistence, waiting for her big news.

"I spoke with the overseer of Nate's business accounts and she seems to think that, after all the creditors and business associates have been paid, there will be enough funds to keep the circus running."

Everyone beams and exclaims happily at the much anticipated news, but Helena only has eyes for the dazzling grin that takes up Myka's face. "Assuming of course you won't mind a part time writer and small time inventor as the new owner," she says with raised eyebrows and Claudia squeals with excitement.

"I already have like a trillion ideas we can start working on! We've already started thinking about rebuilding your tent with some major improvements, of course."

"Bigger?" Myka questions and looks appropriately wary when Claudia laughs manically in response.

Helena chuckles too and both tinkerers turn to Pete who is staring at HG with a look of contemplation that quickly breaks when Myka smacks him. "Just kidding," he says defensively, rubbing his shoulder dramatically. "So long as you use your powers for good," he points and she nods in understanding at the deeper meaning beneath his words.

"Well then I suppose that's all. Oh, she also suggested taking the tour overseas at some point to America." Everyone looks excitedly at each other as she continues. "It would make it easier to keep him at bay, wherever he is. She recommended some place called South Dakota."

Pete talks through a wad of cotton candy. "She's credible, this overseer lady?"

Myka speaks up from her spot on a bale of hay. "She must be, I can hardly see Nate taking financial advice from a woman otherwise."

HG nods her agreement even as she eyes his food intake warily. "Mrs. Frederic, yes. She took over some time ago and it was actually her advice that got Nate to invest in this show in the first place. She seems to have a knack for finding adventurous undertakings."

That seemed to be enough to satisfy them and everyone's attention was soon stolen by Pete who, after finishing his sweet treat, moved to lean back on Myka's hay bale and consequently ended up with straw all over his sticky hands. Claudia laughed at his predicament while Myka just rolled her eyes before leaping up when he threatened to cover her with the mess.

"C'mon your messiness, let's get you cleaned up," Claudia instructs, ending their antics and pulling him fondly along with her. "I can't believe Leena is still letting you near her candy booth."

Myka agrees but doesn't voice her opinion as the two leave the tent. Instead she turns her attention to the other occupant who is eyeing her affectionately. "All over Europe then over to America, hmm?" She saunters over into Helena's space close enough to coyly fiddle with the sleeves of her jacket. "That sounds like an awfully long endeavor. You sure you're up for it?"

"Darling, I am the owner of an enchanted traveling circus, adventure is my middle name. The question is, are you?"

She moves her fingers from the cuffs of HG's jacket to toy with the ends of her silky hair. "Enchanted?" she questions softly, not sure why she is whispering.

Dark eyes soften impossibly further as she replies. "Well it brought me to you so it must be magical in its own right."

Myka bites her lip, whether in an effort not to laugh or not to cry she's not sure. "Charmer," she accuses happily, losing her battle as her mouth breaks into Helena's favorite smile.

Dexterous fingers trace its curve and Myka kisses their tips lightly. "With wondrous results, you see."

Myka's laugh hits Helena's lips a second before the aerialist presses their mouths together. She pulls away for the enjoyment of seeing the dazed expression on her lover's face. When HG's eyes finally flutter open she tilts her head at the thoughtful look directed at her.

"What actually is your middle name?"

It takes a moment for the words to resonate in HG's head. "A story for another time," she finally answers and though Myka tries to suppress it, Helena notes the way she shivers at the low raspy tone of her voice. She grins wickedly and leans back in but a growl leaves her mouth when Myka pulls away teasingly.

"Come on, it can't be worse than mine," she cajoles, linking her arms around the other woman's neck.

"I adore your middle name," Helena states resolutely then sets to kissing the skepticism off Myka's face. She tightens her grip on Myka's hips and yanks the woman closer, swallowing Myka's gasp when their bodies connect.

Sometime later the two take a breath, only allowing a fraction of space between them. "Nice distraction technique," Myka surmises and shakes her head fondly at the smug look on Helena's face.

"I rather liked it myself," Helena smirks then moves her mouth back to Myka's neck, tonguing fluttering patterns over the skin.

"I'll have you know," Myka utters breathlessly, "that I am only letting you get away with this now because I have plenty of time to weasel the answer out of you later."

The statement rings between both of them, the fact that they do have time now and are together for the duration of it. Helena lets a sliver of contentment run through her as she shares a smile with her love before continuing her assault on soft skin. "Whatever you say, darling."

A/N: My fic is complete! Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Reviews would make my dreary rainy February so much better!


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